


The Love Boat

by twilly



Category: Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Cruising, F/M, Fake/Pretend Relationship, Fluff, Friendship, Funny, Romantic Comedy, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2012-06-14
Updated: 2012-06-14
Packaged: 2017-11-07 18:25:42
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 26,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/434049
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/twilly/pseuds/twilly
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Love, exciting and new. Come Aboard. We're expecting you. Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you. Best friends, a childhood crush, a free cruise, and a ship full of swingers.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Plans

**Author's Note:**

> [](http://yfrog.com/gz6nwbdj)
> 
>   
> 

The trill of my phone startled me from the kindred spirits and bosom friends of Prince Edward Island.

"Hello."

"We're here!" Alice's voice sing-songed.

I smiled at Alice's excitement as I slipped a bookmark between the well-worn pages of my book. "Do you have your luggage yet? The GPS said it would take nine minutes to get to the Airport."

"GPS? Not even you need GPS to get here from the Cell Lot, where are you?" Alice interrupted.

I stood up from the bench and headed for the large SUV parked near the curb. "I'm at a park. It's a beautiful day, I couldn't resist."

"So you just went to some park, near an airport in a strange city by yourself? Is that even safe?"

"Just a sec," I told her so I could juggle everything in my hands and climb into the driver's seat. "A, I am an adult, I can watch out for myself. And B, I'm already safely locked in the car, so apparently, it is." Alice huffed with annoyance. "My mom and Phil insisted I take their Suburban, so don't be looking for my car. It's silver."

"What? A silver Suburban? Every third car here is an SUV and half of them are silver; that shouldn't be too hard to find!" she shot back sarcastically.

Alice was very detail oriented and over plans things to a fault. It makes her an excellent administrative assistant, but a horrible travel partner. Any deviation from her itinerary could throw her into a spiral panic. So I reassured her. "Then I guess I'll just have to find you. You're at Terminal B, right?"

"Well, yes, but…"

"I'll be there in nine minutes."

I heard Alice take a deep, cleansing breath before she relented. "Fine. I'm wearing bright blue slacks, you really can't miss me. Oh, and all our luggage is a hot pink. And Jasper is dressed as a clown."

"A clown? Like a clown, clown?" I chuckled as I started the car.

"He might as well be."

"Okay, Alice, I'll be there soon. I'm going to hang up now so I can drive." I pressed end, pulled out of the parking space and let Phil's GPS guide me to the Orlando International Airport.

As soon as I crept into the loading zone, I saw Alice standing at the curb in front of an open spot. Her dark sleeveless top seemed to tone down her bright blue pants that were indeed un-missable; and looked absolutely perfect, without a rumple or wrinkle in sight, despite the almost six hour red-eye from Seattle.

I hopped out of the driver's seat to meet her and had barely stepped onto the sidewalk before Alice threw her arms around my neck. "Bella, I missed you so much!"

I retuned her hug, laughing. "It's been less than two weeks." I then moved to greet Jasper with a hug as well. Pulling out of the hug, I tried to take in his attire on the sly; he was definitely dressed for a vacation, in a white camp shirt and dark Bermuda shorts with white bands circling his thighs and even his white straw fedora didn't exactly scream 'clown.' I looked back at Alice, wondering why she was so upset by his attire. She knew exactly what I was trying to figure out because she lowered her dark sunglasses and pointed to his feet with her eyes.

I had to bite my lip to keep myself from laughing when I saw Jasper was wearing boat shoes with dark blue mid-calf dress socks. Jasper caught on to our silent conversation, emphatically stating, "These match my shorts. And my shoes." He started to turn away, but pointed at me and added, "And I don't want to hear anything from you about my pasty legs. You're as white as me and you've been in Florida for two weeks!"

"I've only been here for a week, it took me five days to get here," I lowly grumbled as I marched to the back of the Suburban and lifted the hatch for Jasper. That was when I noticed their luggage cart. There was your typical three piece set, all in hot pink, just like Alice said, but there was an extra one of the largest size.

Japer began to load the suitcases into the back of the truck, and I smugly tilted my head toward Alice. "I think this is why my mom insisted I take the Suburban. She was having flashbacks to the year we came out for Spring Break. The cruise is only seven days, how much did you pack?"

"Well, one of those is just full of other bags!"

"What?" I looked at her like she was crazy.

Alice put her hand on her hip a tilted her head. "I read online there was duty free shopping on the islands, they suggested you bring empty bags so you can tote your stuff home. Which reminds me…can you bring one set of luggage back home with you? Paying fifty dollars a bag to fly it home will really cut into my bargains."

I looked at her in astonishment. "You brought an extra set of luggage to support your shopping?"

She looked at me like I'd asked the most ridiculous thing ever and chose to ignore my question. "Plus there's shopping on the ship. So, can you, please?"

"Yeah, I think it'll fit, I can put it in the back seat if I have to," I told her. "But you remember I'm going back to Jacksonville for a while before I head home, right?"

Alice's smile assured me she had it all planned out. "Yep, that's fine. I'm going to give you the bags with the old stuff so I can take all my new goodies home with me."

Jasper popped his head around to the side of the truck. "Um, Bella, I'm not sure you're one to talk," he said making Alice walk around to the back.

As soon as Alice saw my huge rolling trunk, I knew I couldn't give her any more crap about her bags.

Jasper reached up to close the hatch and we piled back into the truck. As I pulled out of the loading zone, I asked, "Are you guys hungry? Should we eat before we hit the road?"

"Um, I heard of this great place in Port Canaveral. Can we eat there? It's only like forty-five minutes away," Alice asked while looking out the window.

"Alice…" Jasper admonished from the back seat, causing her to turn and shoot him a sharp look.

Something was definitely going on with the two of them. I shook my head, asking suspiciously, "Why do I have the feeling you already Googled the directions?"

Alice reached into her giant purse and pulled out a folded sheet of paper, opened it and started, "Head east on Airport Boulevard." Then she looked up and around. "Which way is east?"

Alice was so "Alice" it made me laugh. "Why don't I follow the GPS until we get on the highway, then you can program in the restaurant's address?"

"Oh, good plan," she agreed as she settled deeper into her seat.

A little while later, Alice picked up my abandoned book from the center console. "I can't believe you're reading this again," she said flipping through the pages. "Aren't you a little old for this?"

I grabbed the book from her hand, like I needed to protect it from her disparaging words. "No, Anne of Green Gables is a classic. I read it every summer."

Alice shrugged, "Yeah, but I bet this is the same exact book, isn't it. How old is this thing?"

"Yes, it is the same book; and you be nice to her, she's been my bosom friend since the summer before high school. Summer wouldn't be summer without a little mental escape to Prince Edward Island."

Jasper snickered in the back seat, prompting another glare from Alice. My suspicion of Alice's nervousness and the secret looks between them grew. "What's going on between you two?"

Alice withdrew into her seat. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Um, I'm talking about the looks you keep shooting Jasper."

Alice ignored my question and continued, "Couldn't you at least download it on your Kindle? You read them all, every year, right? I'll bet you even…oh my god; the other fourteen books are in that trunk, aren't they? Is that thing filled with books?"

"No!" I defended. "There are only seven. And I like the paper books. They remind me of every summer since high school." And then I mumbled, "I need a trunk that size for my bedding. And my fan."

Alice's jaw dropped. "Bella, you didn't."

I just nodded. The car fell into a somewhat awkward silence before Jasper finally asked, "What'd she do?"

Alice tuned to Jasper. "Bella saw a news report once that said a mattress doubles in weight in ten years from dead skin and dust mites." She tilted her head toward me and rolled her eyes. "And now she's creeped out by sleeping on hotel, and now apparently, cruise ship beds."

I sort of felt ashamed for caving in on my irrational fear, but not enough to sleep on a hundred pounds of other people's skin and dust mite poop. And that's not even considering bed bugs. Just thinking about it made me itch.

Alice noticed my squirming and instantly knew that I was thinking about dead skin flakes and bugs and thankfully diverted the conversation. "I guess it could be worse, at least your dirty little secret is packed away. It's not like everyone on the ship is going to see you walking around in dark blue dress socks and boat shoes."

All three of us burst out laughing, even Jasper who quipped back that he would have taken them off over Salt Lake City if it weren't so much fun to see Alice get so worked up about them. The atmosphere in the car became much more relaxed as we continued to speed down the flat, straight Beachline Expressway.

As we approached the toll booth, Jasper reached around Alice's seat and tapped her shoulder, then nodded his head in my direction. Alice tried to discreetly shake her head 'no,' but it did not go unnoticed. "Alice," Jasper prodded.

She returned his tone and name. He finally gave up on his nudging and warned, "Alice, we only have about fifteen miles until you're busted anyway. You might as well fess up before we get there and everything blows up in your face."

I glanced back at Jasper, half expecting he was pulling my leg, but there wasn't a trace of levity on his face. "What's going on?"

Alice took a deep breath and said, "Fine, so I might have something I need to tell you about the cruise."

I had no idea what to expect, I think I may have been holding my breath, with a million scenarios running though my head. All of them bad. Some of them _very_ bad.

She continued, "Um, so you know how we got this cruise for free from my boss when her husband's project ran way over, and that meant they couldn't go? And that there were two cabins because their friends were going too, but they didn't want to go without them?"

I nodded.

"So she gave me the cruise for free because it was past the deadline for refunds, right?"

I nodded in understanding, and then it occurred to me. "Oh god, do we have to pretend to be your boss? There's no way we're going to get away with that! I mean I had to get a passport! I'm not risking going to jail for some free cruise."

Jasper's laugh snapped me out of my rambling.

"So anyway, even though it was too late to get a refund, I was still able to change the cabins into our names; when I called to have our names put on the passenger manifest, they told me it was a couples only cruise and no singles would be permitted to board the ship." Alice bit her lip and waited for my response.

I didn't know what to think. Alice was my best friend, we had _been_ best friends since kindergarten, and I knew she wouldn't bring me down here to leave me on the dock while she and Jasper sailed off into the Caribbean. But I also knew I was not a couple.

"But I had already convinced you to come, and I wanted you to come, to have this amazing cruise with me because you're my best friend and I love you, you're like a sister to me. Better than a sister!"

The rock in the pit of my stomach grew with my suspicion. "Alice," I started to warn before she interrupted me, talking so fast, I could barely discern her words.

"So I needed someone be your husband or boyfriend so you could come too, and I panicked. It was the last day to make changes to the cabin assignments, so I told her the first name that came to mind and now they think you're married to my cousin."

Alice had lots of cousins. They spanned the range from maybe fifteen years older than us to still in high school and had a whole spectrum of creepiness. "Which cousin?"

"Edward."

I tried think back to all I had met so that I could put a name with a face, but I couldn't remember an Edward, and then it came to me. "Eddie? You told them I was married to Eddie?"

Alice bit her lip and nodded.

Shaking my head in surprise, I asked, "Eddie who drove us to school our freshman year?"

Jasper was snickering in the back seat while Alice sat there nodding like a damn bobble head.

"Eddie, who used to drop us off a four blocks from the school so no one would see two 'froshes' getting out of his car? Are you freaking kidding me?"

She shook her head and opened her mouth to respond but I cut her off, "Eddie, who made us ride around with boxes over our heads?"

She gasped slightly and lifted her finger to argue. "That was one time. And he didn't have room, he need those boxes to pack his things for college."

"Boxes. Over our heads," I shrieked, tapping my temple for dramatic effect.

"I remember… You know what else I remember?" Alice teased. "I remember someone had a crush on him."

I sputtered, trying to think of a comeback. It was true; I did have a crush on Eddie when I was a kid. He was four years older than we were and we always wanted to hang out with him and the older kids. He was so sweet and totally cute. He had this smile that lit up his entire face and made his beautiful green eyes sparkle. He was always helping Alice's dad move heavy stuff or fix things. I would always make up reasons to be in the same vicinity just so I could watch. But he knew he was cute too; and if he doubted it, he had a table full of the prettiest, most popular girls in school sitting with him at lunch drooling over his every move.

I used to daydream that he would see though their vapid, plastic ploys and recognize he was in love with me. That he'd scoop me up and carry me out of the school like I was Debra Winger in my own personal, real life Officer and a Gentleman scene.

Alice smirked and raised her eyebrows at Jasper. "Look at that hun; she does remember!"

Jasper folded his arms over his chest and leaned back against the seat. "Don't drag me into this Mary Alice, I told you to tell her a long time ago."

Alice's jaw dropped and her head snapped back to Jasper's on hearing him use her full name.

Even I was a little surprised he was so admonishing, but then I realized what he said. I glanced quickly at Alice's defensive body language before retuning my focus to the road. "How long have you known?"

Alice lowered her head. "Since the day I called in to have the cabins changed into our names on the passenger manifest," she quietly admitted.

"Are you serious? That was more than six weeks ago!"

"I know; I just panicked. I was put on the spot; I was trying to get it done before the deadline and Edward was the only person I could think who wasn't already married or a total letch. I could have said my cousin James you know. He just got divorced again, and he's always had a big smile for you."

I thought about her cousin James and shivered; he was about ten years older than us and had a constant succession of wives. He thought his stringy ponytail could make up for the hair he was missing from the top of his balding head. I shuddered again as I remembered how he always leered at me at Brandon family gatherings.

"Or I could have gone with Lauren, she's just dying tell you all about how you've been culturally bullied into believing you only like boys."

Lauren called herself a pansexual. She'd believed that any sexual orientation label was a sociocultural construct that was against our nature and that you should be gender blind when seeking an emotional connection and sexual gratification. She had a lot of passion around trying to get people to see her viewpoint, but I struggled with the term pansexual. I remembered from an anthropology survey course that "Pan" was the genus for chimpanzees, so to me it always sounded like she was talking sex with monkeys. Plus, I liked the sociocultural construct that told me I like boys.

"Or I could have…"

"ALICE!" I shouted to get her attention. She was about as smooth at trying to change the subject as my kindergarteners. "I get it. Fine, Eddie was better than some of the other choices, but you could have just invited Jake."

"Edward, he hasn't gone by Eddie since high school. He hates being called Eddie now. And I was not going to invite Jake on this trip. He strung you along for like three years before he finally came out of the closet…"

"Alice," I warned, not wanting to have this conversation again. "You really couldn't find the time to tell me this in the last six weeks?"

"Well, I thought about it, a lot actually. But it was so hard to convince you to come. And I didn't want you to back out. You always work so hard! You didn't even take a break between school and teaching, and I just thought you really needed a nice, relaxing, _free_ , vacation."

Alice was right; I probably would have backed out. And she was right. I did need this vacation. When I graduated from grad school, I spent the six months between the end of my program and the beginning of the school year working for the Head Start program; and I worked there until my first official contract day with the school district. Even though I loved my new school, and the kids were amazing, I was still a little worn out. And not only was this vacation free, courtesy of Alice's boss, it was all inclusive, which was perfect since there was no way I could afford to pay for a seven night Caribbean cruise while I was still paying off my student loans.

I let out a large breath of air. I could tell by the way Alice was trying to hide her smile behind biting her lip, she knew I was going to let her off the hook. "Fine. It's a vacation, it's free, were already here, I can roll with it."

Alice actually jumped in her seat and clapped her hands; Jasper just shook his head at me. He knew how hard it was to stay mad at Alice.

"So is there anything else I should know about?"

Alice empathically shook her head. "No, nothing else, except I might have forged your name on the Conduct Contract."

"What?"

"I don't know, it was some silly paper we all had to sign saying we'd behave while we we're on board and in port," Alice said waving her hand dismissively. "I forged Edward's name too."

"How rough of a cruise is this that we have to sign a contract to behave?"

"I don't know, but it was all really basic stuff. Like 'no' means 'no.' No nudity in the dining rooms. No sex in public spaces. Yadda, yadda, yadda."

My jaw dropped. I was really starting to wonder about this cruise.

"It's all standard, I'm sure. It's just a liability thing," Alice nervously added.

I still wasn't so sure, but there was no point in arguing. "Then I guess it's good you forged my name," I added sarcastically.

The car fell in to a slightly awkward silence then, which gave me time to think. Or more accurately, time to flip out and panic. All kinds of scenarios ran though my head. Edward must be single; Alice said he was the only single guy she knew. I wondered if he was still as big a player as he was in high school. I hadn't seen him since he came to our high school graduation. _Why wasn't he at her wedding? Maybe he was, and I just didn't notice._ I wondered what he looked like now and if he'd even recognize me. _Would I recognize him?_ Maybe he was bald. _Would we have to pretend to be a couple the entire cruise?_ Although, I guess if everyone was already coupled up there wouldn't really be any potential dates anyway. And then suddenly, the sleeping arrangements occurred to me.

"So, we're sleeping boys and girls, right?"

"Bella," Alice whined. "You can't really think I'm going to spend eight days and seven nights on a romantic Caribbean cruise in a room across the hall from my husband."

"But I should have 'to spend eight days and seven nights on a romantic Caribbean cruise' in a room with your cousin?" I asked shrilly.

A huge smile crossed Alice's face as she brought her finger to her chin. "Hmm, hadn't thought of that. But, yes," she simpered.

"Oh my God. You totally set this up!"

"I did not! But after it happened, I did appreciate how perfect you are for each other. It's kismet."

"Kismet! It's not _kismet_ , it's you living out your matchmaking fantasy. You are always trying to set me up with someone. I should have known."

Jasper laughed from the back seat. "Told you." He smirked at Alice.

Alice huffed. "I did not do this on purpose; it was the only way I could get you on that damn boat. And it _is_ perfect. And the trip is going to be perfect." She almost glared at me when she reiterated, "Perfect."

I was just about to open my mouth to say something back when she added, "And you're sharing a room with Edward. Period. I'm not spending the most romantic trip of my life sleeping with you."

All three of us giggled at the double entendre. But I still was concerned about the sleeping arrangements.

"So you expect me just to hop into bed with your cousin?"

"Don't be silly. I know you're not that kind of girl."

I was conflicted between being relieved that my reputation with Alice was intact and offended that she was calling me a frigid prude.

"The bed in your room can pull apart into two singles," Alice added.

I was relieved. I guess I could manage to sleep in the same room with him. It would be like summer camp. Like the _real_ summer camp, where everyone stayed in their own beds; not those cheesy summer camp movies where the boys are canoeing across the lake at midnight into the open arms and legs of the girl's camp next door.

"Are you sure?"

"Yep, and you can even push them back together if you decide to hop into bed with my hot cousin you've had a crush on since you were twelve years old."

Jasper burst into laughter before he settled down and started humming a familiar tune I couldn't quite place.

We followed the GPS's directions to Rusty's Seafood Bar and Grill, which is where Alice had prearranged to meet up with Edward, who had driven to Port Canaveral from Miami where he had been visiting his grandmother. I pulled into the parking lot just as Jasper started singing the words to the song he had been humming.

"Love, exciting and new...Come Aboard. We're expecting you…"

"Jasper!" Alice and I both admonished.

I completely stopped in my tracks, and turned to see Jasper, still heading for the door of the restaurant. "That's it, that's why you giggled," I said, narrowing my eyes and pointing at Jasper. "That's why you giggled when I said I like to spend time on Prince Edward Island!"

"You're just as bad as her," I said, pointing at Alice.

Jasper laughed boisterously and reached to take Alice's hand, twirling her like they were on a dance floor. "I know, ain't it grand?"

Alice giggled as the pair walked past me and into the restaurant. I just stood in the parking lot with my mouth opening and closing like a fish out of water. The two of them were going to be unbearable.

I caught up with them just inside the entryway where Alice was already in Eddie's arms.

He closed his arms around her and swung her side to side a bit. "Ali," he mimicked. "I see you're not really very excited to see me," he said sarcastically. She slapped his shoulder as he put her feet back to the floor.

And there he was, his auburn hair as full and messy as ever. As cute as he was as an eighteen-year-old boy, he was stunning as a fully grown man. He was tall and broad and still flashed his amazing smile as he greeted Jasper with a handshake and a one armed man-hug.

"Edward, it's nice to see you again, man," Jasper said before back-handedly complementing, "Nice shirt," referring to Edward's shiny, bright blue, black, and gold silk shirt compete with leopard print.

My heart fell. Any hopes of finally getting my Debra Winger moment were dashed. It was like Jake all over again.

Without missing a beat, Edward said, "Thanks man, nice socks."

Alice jumped in with her cousin, telling Jasper, "See, I told you." She looped her hand though Edward's arm. "And this shirt is gorgeous; it's vintage Versace, right?"

Edward shrugged his shoulder like he didn't know. "Um, I'm not sure. It was my granddad's, my grandma insisted it was the only thing suitable for boarding a cruise." He laughed.

"Well, it's beautiful," Alice insisted. "Isn't it Bella?"

"Yes, it's pretty," I absently agreed, still lamenting the loss of what I never had.

Edward took a single step, gently resting one hand on my forearm and brushed my shoulder as he slid the other down my bare upper arm and leaned down to kiss my cheek, whispering a greeting.

When he touched me, the world disappeared and time stopped. I had no idea what he said as he kissed my cheek, but I know it was sexy as hell. I felt the same connection and longing as I did in my teenage crush, but with so much more intensity. I wanted to kick myself, why did I always seem to fall for gay guys?

Alice's sharp, "Bella!" snapped me from my haze, and I followed her and the server to our table by the window.

Edward pulled out the chair closest to the window and motioned for me take the seat. The view immediately caught my attention; across the channel, three massive cruise ships were lined up along the perimeter of the cruise port. The broad white sides, bright yellow lifeboats and splashes of red and blue sparkled in the mid-day sun. I stared at them, mesmerized, until the waitress drew my attention away asking for my drink order. I quickly glanced at the menu so I would be prepared when our server came back, before turning back to the window.

Edward nudged my hand to get my attention, and I asked for a bowl of clam chowder without turning away from the window. His deep, throaty chuckle surprised me, and I turned to see him smiling at me. "The server isn't back yet. I was just trying to get your attention."

I gave him an apologetic smile and his own smile broadened even more. He leaned over the table a bit and pointed to the largest of the three ships. "That's our cruise ship, the Pearl of the Caribbean."

I turned back to the window. "The bartender was telling me until a couple of years ago, she was the largest cruise ship in the world," Edward added.

"They make them bigger than _that_?"

"Uh-huh, a lot bigger. The largest cruise ship in service is five times the size of the Titanic. The Pearl of the Caribbean is only three times the size of her."

"Only three times?" I repeated, turning to find him still leaning over the table, surprisingly close.

He nodded and then I asked, "Do you think it's wise to bring up the Titanic hours before we set sail. Shouldn't you be knocking on wood or something?"

I heard deep chuckle. "I'm absolutely positive there are no icebergs in the Caribbean," he assured me.

I scoffed at him. "The Costa Concordia didn't need an iceberg."

His eye twinkled as he shot back, "Yeah, but I didn't bring that one up, you did. Maybe you should be the one to knock that wood?" And he actually winked at me.

I've never really been one to tempt fate, so I quickly rapped on the table; but not before Jasper had a chance to say, "That's what she said."

Alice groaned and slapped his shoulder. "Don't even get her started," she warned Edward, and then turned to me, narrowing her eyes. "The ship is not going to sink. You are getting your ass on that boat." She pointed at the window. "And you're going to have fun. Fun, damn it. Do you understand?"

I exaggerated my gulp and mock saluted her. She really did have a point. I tended to over think pretty much everything, and if I let myself start to think about the Titanic and the Costa Concordia, I'd never make it on that boat. I promised myself, and Alice, that I would try and be more open to new experiences and less hampered by the irrational thoughts that occasionally popped into my head.

I'm not sure Edward realized Alice was addressing a real issue, because he leaned back over me and said, "That ship is perfectly safe, but if it does go down, you better scoot your ass over on the headboard, because I'm not trusting you to hold on to me."


	2. Vanilla

Edward had already returned the rental car he drove from Miami before taking a cab to the restaurant. He had (no doubt with that charming smile of his) convinced the hostess to stow his suitcase and garment bag in the back.

We loaded his luggage in the back of the Suburban, made the short drive to the cruise terminal parking garage, and paid their ridiculous fee for eight days of parking. Apparently, parking is not part of 'all inclusive.'

While Alice and I went through the various confirmations and paperwork we would need as we went through check in, which she had carefully labeled with colorful flags and placed in the order of use, the boys unloaded our luggage from the back.

I heard Edward say, "Holy shit, are some of us stowing away in that thing? How much stuff did Alice pack?"

Jasper chuckled, patting Edward on the shoulder. "Naw, that's your wife's bag. My wife put all our stuff in these pretty pink bags, aren't you jealous?" he simpered sarcastically.

"Okay, enough about my bag. Let's go," I said as I lifted the trunk by its end strap.

Edward jogged over, reaching for the handle, but I jerked it away. "I can do it. It's my trunk," I said a little defensively.

Edward's eyes smiled at me in amusement, as if I were a toddler trying to prove I was a big kid, and it irritated the hell out of me. "Seriously, it's my luggage. You go and get your suitcase and fancy garment bag," I said with a dismissive wave. "What do you have in there anyway?"

"Seriously," he said, mimicking my earlier objection. "That thing is bigger than you are, let me take it. And my tux is in there."

His tux? I stopped mid-stride and turned to him. "Why would you need a tux?"

"Well, since we're going on a cruise, and cruises have formal nights, I thought it would be better to bring mine than have to wear a rented one."

"Alice, did you know this?" I demanded.

"Bella, everybody knows that. That's like asking 'did you know this cruise was going to be on the water?'"

"Everyone doesn't know that! Jasper, did you know that?" I asked to his nodding head. I looked around to find someone, anyone, who I could ask, because not everyone knows that. I didn't know that.

The three of them looked at me like I was some crazy person having a meltdown in the middle of a public parking structure, which, I guess I was.

I looked a little panicked at Alice. "I don't have a formal dress!"

"Don't worry, I brought one for you."

"Alice, the only formal dresses I own are the bridesmaid dress from your wedding and my prom dress…oh god, please tell me you didn't bring my prom dress."

"Bella, that dress is almost ten years old," she said as if the thought was ridiculous. "And I didn't bring your bridesmaid's dress either. I bought you a new one."

"You what? How much was it? What if I don't like it?"

"Don't worry about that. You're going to love it, I know these things," she said, tapping her temple. "And it was on sale."

"How much was it?"

Alice folded her hands together and raised one shoulder in a pose I'm sure she thought made her adorable and said, "Consider it your 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you it was a couples' cruise' gift." And then she spun around to grab Jasper's arm, nearly skipping through the garage.

I just stood there with my mouth agape, regretting that I hadn't let Edward take the trunk because it really was heavier than I realized on the short drag to the car at my mom's house.

Edward came up beside me and brushed my wrist with the back of his fingers, pleadingly looking into my eyes. "Please let me take the trunk. All these people think we're together. How would it look if I let my wife carry this giant thing while I pranced around with my rolly-bag and tux?" he asked.

When he put it that way, I really was doing him a favor by letting him carry my trunk. So we switched off, and I took charge of his "rolly-bag" while he took my trunk in one hand and threw his garment bag over his shoulder with the other. I followed Edward through the garage and into the terminal. He looked back at me and winked. "Thanks for protecting my manliness, Wife."

By the time we made it into the terminal, Alice and Jasper were far enough ahead that they were already halfway to the luggage check counter. Edward and I ended up in line a couple over from them. They and their pink bags weren't moving any faster than we were, and every time I glanced over at their progress, I noticed Alice watching us with a goofy grin on her face. It wasn't doing much to convince me this wasn't an intentional set-up. Did she not realize I didn't have the right equipment to pique Edward's interest?

As we stood in line to check our luggage, the realization that he'd actually played me bothered me more and more. "So did they actually teach you that in 'I can get anything I want charm school'?" I whispered.

His brows furrowed, and he tilted his head in confusion. "What?"

"You know, did they teach 'how to get your way by making the other person think they're doing you a favor,' right after Winking 101?"

"Winking 101?" He chuckled in disbelief.

I crossed my arms over my chest and raised an eyebrow to silently challenge him. I saw his light, fun demeanor change. He reached for my elbow and drew me closer, leaned down and whispered in my ear, "Look, I'm sorry I carried your fucking bag, but you're not doing a very good job hiding your little temper tantrum. Now, don't freak out, but I'm going to kiss you on the cheek so all these people think we're whispering sweet nothings in each other's ears. Now smile," he said through gritted teeth. "And start acting like you're not disgusted by the sight of me. There'll be plenty of time for that when we get on the boat."

I smiled as he pressed his soft lips to my cheek and pulled back to deliver one more on the tip of my nose.

"Good girl," he whispered.

I should have been upset that he'd praised my obedient behavior as if I were a small child, but the feel of his breath on my cheek erased all my irritation. And the hurt in his voice when he said I acted as if I were disgusted by the sight of him broke my heart a little. I rose up on my toes and brought my lips to his ear, and he wrapped his arm around my waist and rested his hand on my hip, like it was natural reaction. "I don't hate you," I whispered before placing two, slow, chaste kisses on the corner of his mouth.

His arm tightened, and his eyes never left mine as I slid against his body to stand back on the floor.

A throat behind us cleared and an older gentleman said, "Not that I didn't enjoy the show, but it's your turn." He pointed to the ticket counter.

I think we were both blushing as we scurried to grab all three pieces of our luggage when the man added with a wink, "But find Molly and I on the ship. We may look old, but I'm sure we could show you both a thing or two."

I think I did a double take trying to determine if he'd said what I thought he had. His wife slapped him on the shoulder. "You two will have to excuse him. Bob is a little over eager to get this trip going, if you know what I mean."

I awkwardly smiled and looked at Edward to find he didn't have any more of a clue than I did.

Once we checked our bags and had our pictures taken for our key cards, we met back up with Alice and Jasper to board the boat. The four of us decided to relax in one of the lounges until we received the texts that our luggage had reached our rooms, which according to the terminal agent, could take up to two hours.

I started to flip through my glossy, magazine-like program as we waited for our drinks to arrive. The first odd thing that caught my eye was an advertisement for another couples' cruise offered by Swinging on a Star Travel, scheduled for next year touting it as a 100% lifestyle take over. No kids. No clothes. No vanilla passengers. They offered nudist cruises. What was a 'vanilla passenger?'

I tried to look around at the other passengers without being obvious. Thank goodness everyone was wearing clothing.

I started reading the article more closely. Right after the obligatory welcome page was a list of "Guidelines." I was a little shocked by some of the rules. Most of them were common sense; how you would always act, but I was still confused about needing to explicitly list them. But, some of the "guidelines" allowed for behaviors that were definitely outside the norm.

"Umm, Alice, can you look at the Guidelines on page three of the program? Are those the rules you signed in the Conduct Agreement?"

She quickly flipped to the page and scanned the list before confirming they were the same before returning to her conversation with the guys.

"How closely did you read them?"

"I don't know; I was in a hurry. They were all the basic common sense stuff. I didn't think we had anything to worry about. It's not like we're criminals or anything, or we don't know how to behave ourselves."

"Yeah, so did you see the part where it said nudity was allowed at all pools, hot tubs, and in all hallways leading to the cabins?"

"What?" Alice exclaimed, flipping back to the page.

That got Jasper and Edward's attention, and they started reading over our shoulders.

Jasper pointed to the last line under the nudity rules. "Oh, lookie there, it says to sit on a towel when you're nekkid. How considerate."

I was getting more and more nervous. I kept looking around at the other passengers milling around, but they all looked so normal.

Edward must have noticed I was feeling uncomfortable because he tried to reassure me. "Well, it does say no nudity in port."

"But that 'unless specifically announced' scares me. And what the hell is the Boom Boom Room Pleasure Chamber?" I shot back.

"Here," I said, pushing the program at Edward as I reached for my phone. I entered "Swinging on a Star Travel cruise" and clicked search. The site quickly came up, and I started to read. That was when everything started to fall into place. It made sense now that Alice's boss's friends wouldn't want to come without them. The behavior contract, the couples only rule; how could Alice have missed this little detail?

I quickly stood up, causing the chair to scrape against the tile floor. "Oh my god," I exclaimed, much louder than I intended. Alice, Jasper and Edward's eyes all shot to mine in confusion. With my mouth agape, I looked over the balcony's edge to see the other cruisers walking through the club and the promenade below. There were a few couples in their late twenties and early thirties and some in their sixties. A lot that looked to be in their forties and fifties, but they all looked so normal. None of them looked like the sexual deviants they were.

Edward reached for my wrist to get my attention and gently tugged it to remind me to sit down to avoid causing any more of a scene. I reclaimed my chair and glared at Alice with my brows furrowed "Do you know what kind of a cruise this is?" I asked through gritted teeth.

"It a couples' cruise, I told you that. I thought you decided to just have fun anyway!" Alice defended with a confused look on her face.

"Yeah, it is," I huffed in a whisper yell. "It's a swingers' couples cruise!"

The color drained out of Alice's face as she looked about for some sign that we were indeed on a ship of sin, as I suggested.

Edward closed the pages of the program and set it on the table. "I think she's right."

I grabbed the fancy, magazine bound program and flipped to the ad I had seen earlier. "See this?" I said, pointing at the ad as I slid it toward Alice. "No kids, no clothes, no vanillas? That's us! We're the vanillas!"

"Do you know what this means?" Alice asked, wide-eyed.

Without missing a beat, Jasper answered back. "Yeah, it means your boss is a kinky girl."

Alice wrinkled her nose as if that thought hadn't occurred to her.

"See, I told you she was hitting on me at the Christmas party. And I've never liked the way her creepy husband leers at you!" he added.

"We have to get off this boat," I demanded.

"I don't think we can; we're already moving," Edward said.

I looked around and tried to feel the difference. I definitely felt motion, but I wasn't sure it was any different from the gentle bobbing I'd felt when we boarded the docked ship.

"You probably can't feel it now, but I felt it about ten minutes ago when the tugs first started to pull us away from the dock," he added.

"What are we going to do?"

Edward provided the voice of reason. "Look, I think we'll be fine. It's not like they're going to force us into anything. The first rule, 'No means no,' makes a lot more sense now, right? If anyone propositions us, we can just politely decline."

The four of us sat in stunned silence until Jasper asked, "So, the Boom Boom Room Pleasure Chamber?"

"Um group play area, I think. It seems pretty well organized. Did you see the section on playroom etiquette?" Edward asked. He started reading them aloud. "Couples in, Couples out; Pick up your mess; Don't be a 'condom creep;' use your…"

I hushed him, looking around to see if anyone overheard. He burst into laughter, telling me that I was pretty much the only one on this ship who would be shocked or offended by the playroom rules.

He continued, egged on by Jasper's snickers. "No street clothes. Come in your robe, boxers, lingerie or just a towel," he added emphasis, to Jasper's delight. "Here come my favorite two," Edward added before Jasper interrupted.

"Come?" he said in a fit of giggles.

Edward's smile broadened, "Good one," he encouraged. "Bring a tote for your condoms, and this one is the very best: put a glow stick in your lube bottle so you can find it in the dark!"

"Dude, that's genius!"

The two of them kept cackling like twelve-year-old boys who just peeked at their first dirty magazine while Alice studied the program. I sat uncomfortably and dreaded the next seven days. I wouldn't be able to read by the pool, because they were all designated clothing optional. How could I read about Mathew and Marilla with fifty and sixty year old peens flapping in the wind all over the place?

Alice looked up at me, "You know, they do have some interesting classes, like couple's massage, 'Kissing is more than Foreplay,' 'The G-spot…'"

"Come on Alice, you know that's just a myth."

"Not according to this guy, and he guarantees he can show you how to find it! And there's even kinky stuff!"

"Kinky! This whole damn boat is nothing but kinky." I was back to whisper-yelling.

"Jeez, lighten up a little bit. Can't you be just a little open-minded? Maybe that's why you never get laid," she snapped at me.

My jaw dropped. Alice didn't usually throw things like that in my face like this. "You know I don't like it when you call it that. It's vulgar!"

"Oh that's right, no getting laid or screwed or fucked for our sweet little virgin. Only 'making love' or 'having sex' if you don't want to be all emotionally mushy," she snipped back at me using air quotes.

I leaned in and angrily whispered, "I'm not a virgin, and you know it."

Alice sat back in her chair and crossed her arms over her chest. "Ha! You're twenty-six years old; I hardly think your high school boyfriend and closeted gay lover count."

I looked around, and the sympathetic looks on Jasper and Edward's faces told me they had indeed witnessed the embarrassing conversation. I was about five seconds from bursting into tears, so I stood and rushed out of the club.

As I left, I heard Jasper admonish Alice. "Shit, I didn't mean it. Bella, I'm sorry," she said, but I was too upset to go back and face them now.

I had no idea where I was going. I just needed to find a quiet place where I could pull myself together. I walked around aimlessly, and I really had no idea where I was until I looked up and saw a sign hanging from the ceiling that said Library. I opened the door and immediately felt calmer. The only other person in the room was an attendant at the desk. I walked around until I saw a small group of armchairs nestled in an out of the way alcove.

I slipped off my shoes in front of the chair so I wouldn't mess up the leather and brought my feet up, resting my head on my arms that were curled around my knees. Then I let go and cried. I cried because I was embarrassed and frustrated, and because I was scared that Alice was right.

I'm not sure how long I was in my little ball of misery before I heard a heavily accented voice ask. "Excuse me, Miss, are you okay?"

I looked up, wiping the tears off my face. "I'm sorry. I just needed a quiet space." I looked around to see if I was disturbing anyone else.

"No, no. It is okay, Miss, you can stay. Just let me know if you need anything."

"Thank you," I replied, and she quickly walked back to her post.

I tucked my head back into my arms. I was done crying now, but I still didn't know what I was going to do or how I'd handle seeing Edward again. I knew my silly teenage crush would go unrequited, but that didn't mean Edward and I couldn't be friends. Not to mention I was still embarrassed by how Alice had belittled me.

To make it worse, I knew Alice didn't really mean it. She just lost her temper and snapped, because in reality, Alice didn't have much more experience than I did. Jasper was her first and only.

I began to feel better, but then a new worry crossed my mind. I really didn't know where I was or where the others were. I left my purse and all the paperwork on the table, and I didn't even know which deck our cabins were on. For that matter, I didn't know what deck I was on now, or how to even get back to the club.

I felt a warm hand brush over my forearm and looked up to see Edward kneeling in front of me holding a glass of water. "You look like you could use this," he said quietly, handing me the glass.

I took a small sip and looked at the glass again. "This is a library; I doubt this is even allowed in here."

He smiled, and his eyes twinkled with mischief.

"You charmed that sweet lady at the desk, didn't you?"

He shrugged his shoulders. "I just said I had a friend who I thought might need to be re-hydrated. She pointed me straight to you."

I didn't realize how thirsty I was until I started drinking and had downed half the glass, before I thought to ask Edward. "How did you know I'd be here?"

He rose from his position to sit in the armchair next to mine. "It was a lucky guess. I remember in high school you used to retreat to the library instead of face the cafeteria at lunch a lot."

I looked up at him. "Really? I didn't even know cruise ships had libraries before I saw the sign."

"These things are so big, they have just about everything. I've heard this one even has an ice skating rink."

"Seriously? You can go ice skating in June in the middle of the Caribbean Sea?"

He chuckled. "I guess so."

I finished the water, and Edward took the empty glass from me. "Are you ready to go to our cabin? They texted it was ready about a half hour ago."

"Sure," I said, jumping up. "But you better lead the way. I have no idea here I am."

Edward reached out and took my hand. Instead of feeling awkward and uneasy, I felt comforted by the gesture.

I watched, and sure enough, I saw him wink at the nice girl at the desk on our way out.

The halls were surprisingly empty as Edward guided us through the labyrinth to our cabin, and thankfully, we didn't encounter anyone taking advantage of the "nudity is permitted in all hallways leading to cabins" concession. I guessed everyone was busy unpacking, although if they were planning to run around naked the whole trip, they probably didn't have much to unpack.

"Six-twenty. This is our cabin," Edward announced as he opened the door with his key card. "I'm just going to let Alice know I found you. She's been worried. They're right here in cabin six-twenty-one," he added, pointing at the door across the hall.

I nodded and went into our tiny, little cabin. The door hadn't even closed yet before Alice raced through it and threw her arms around my neck. "Bella, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean it. I'm sorry."

I patted her back. "I know. I'm sorry too for being so cranky. I really should be more open-minded."

"But I shouldn't have been so mean. I'm really, really sorry."

Even though more tears were welling in my eyes, I laughed, which made Alice laugh too. We pulled apart, and I could tell from her puffy eyes that she'd been crying too.

Then I heard a sniff followed by Edward asking, "Dude, are _you_ crying now?"

"No!" Jasper exclaimed defensively before sniffing again.

Edward cleared his throat. "Okay, okay, we're all better. Now let's unpack so we can go to dinner."

"Well, I am a bit peckish," Jasper said, rubbing his tummy.

"Oh my god, Jazz, you're always hungry," Alice said, pushing him through the door toward their own cabin.

"Oh yeah, Bella, after you get done, come see our room. We have a balcony!"

Everything between Alice, Jasper and me was back to normal, so Edward and I began to unpack, negotiating closet and bathroom space.

Once all of my clothing was put away, I still had my bedding to deal with, but I thought I'd take care of that after dinner. Edward said he wanted to take a shower before diner, so I just freshened up a little and changed into one of the cute little summer dresses I bought for the trip before crossing the hall and knocking on Alice's door for the grand tour of their tiny cabin.

Alice opened the door with an excited squeal. I pointed at her cabin number and said, "Summer solstice." She looked at me confused, so I explained. "Your room number is six-twenty-one. June twenty-first is the first day of summer, the summer solstice."

"Oh, cool. That means your cabin is Edward's birthday," she said, pointing at our door.

"His birthday is this week?"

"Yep, and he's turning the big three-oh. I already called the kitchen to get a birthday cake for him that night."

"Cool. So let's see this balcony."

Alice smiled and pulled me into their room, which while bigger than ours, was still tiny. Then she brought me out to the balcony where we stood in the wind of the ship cruising at top speed for a minute before we headed back in and left for the main dining room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank you so much for reading.**
> 
> **There are no words for how much help, encouragement, hand holding and cheer leading obmama, maxandmo, carenl, Mtneer05, Fictionfreak95, and all the girls in WC's have given me. I'm needy.**
> 
> **Love, life's sweetest reward. Let it flow, it floats back to you. that's a means please review ;)**


	3. Swagger

I felt drawn to Bella from the moment she walked into the restaurant this afternoon. Even as I greeted Alice and Jasper, I couldn't take my eyes off her.

She was no longer the quiet, skinny bookworm with knobby knees and spindly arms I remembered. Gone was the annoying, awkward little girl who was ever-present in my aunt and uncle's home. In her place was this beautiful woman who, at the same time, looked sweet and innocent, but was sexy as hell.

I couldn't help but imagine her in every girl next door and naughty librarian fantasy I'd ever had. She looked the part of the "good girl" with her modest little outfit, complete with a little red sweater draped over her arm.

Standing there in her little khaki shorts made me want to want to slide my hand up her toned legs and pull her closer. Her frilly, blue tank top nicely displayed her tits without being too revealing. I wanted to trace the deep vee of its neckline, and see if she'd let me pull it away to see what lay beneath.

But I was a gentleman, so I pushed my lascivious thoughts aside and greeted her. I had planned just to give her a quick, casual hug, but as soon as I felt the soft skin of her arm, I couldn't resist lingering awhile and prolonging the feeling. I actually felt the prickle of excitement any time she was near. I sensed that she felt it too, but more than once throughout the day, her whole demeanor would change, and she'd keep me at arm's length. She was confusing the hell out of me.

Watching Bella unpack was amusing. She frantically moved from her massive trunk to the dresser and then the closet, mumbling to herself the entire time. I'm not sure she completely realized that she was talking to herself aloud because when I would interject a thought of my own, she'd look a little startled.

She turned from the closet after she hung another dress. "Umm, I brought mostly dresses, and I think I took up more than half the closet," she said nervously, gnawing on her lip.

Then she turned back to the closet and started mumbling about trying to figure out a way she could rig the hangers to cascade so they'd take less horizontal room, and that it was good that most of them were shorter dresses.

"Bella, it's fine. That'll be plenty of room for me," I chuckled.

She smiled shyly and nodded her head, saying, "Thanks," before she moved back to the dresser to rearrange it for the fifth time.

"What about the rest of that stuff?" I asked, pointing to her trunk that was still more than half-full.

"Oh that's…umm…I'll worry about that after dinner," she replied, looking a little embarrassed.

We continued to dance around each other and her huge trunk as I hung my tux and a couple of shirts in the closet. "See, plenty of room." I winked at her, and she smiled.

She always smiled when I winked; the first time was when we sat together at the restaurant and looked out the window at the ship. I could see a thousand thoughts go though her mind as she worked herself up about icebergs in the Caribbean, and when I called her out on mentioning the Costa Condoria, I couldn't help but give her a smug wink. Her responding smile was amazing; it spread across her face and made her eyes brighten. I wanted to see that smile more, so I've been winking at every opportunity.

"Well, I'm all done," I announced with a clap of my hands.

Bella's eyebrows furrowed in confusion, she glanced around the cabin, and then asked, "Really? That's all you brought?"

"Yeah, how much stuff does a man need to bring for a week?"

"Oh well, Jake was just a bit of a clothes horse, there's no way this is all he would have brought for a week," she said, twirling her finger in the air at the closet and dresser.

"Who's Jake?"

Bella's face dropped as she fumbled for an explanation. "He was my..umm…it's kind of hard to describe. He was my friend," she said. The way she seemed to settle on the word "friend" made me wonder about the story behind her reticence.

"And he's not your friend anymore?"

"No, he still is. We're just different kind of friends than we used to be," she admitted, sinking onto the bed. "These are supposed to come apart and make two beds. I wonder how that works?" she asked, bouncing on the foot of the bed. I wasn't sure if she was talking to me or just talking to herself again. Either way, it successfully changed the subject from this Jake character.

She jumped up from the bed and started trying to pull it part.

"I think the nightstands are in the way."

She looked up and agreed with me before she suggested that we leave this task for after dinner too.

With nothing else to put away, we stood in awkward silence for a little while. Even just standing there with one hand holding her elbow and the other nervously playing with the hem of her blouse, I was taken aback again my how pretty little Bella Swan had turned out to be.

"I was thinking of grabbing a quick shower before dinner. Do you mind?"

Bella shook her head. "No, I'm just going to dress for dinner and head over to Alice's cabin."

"Dress for dinner?" I asked, wondering about the archaic term.

"Umm, yeah, my mom told me that on these things…cruises, they still do that. They do, don't they?"

"I think so," I chuckled at her miniature panic attack. "But I'm surprised she told you that and not about 'formal nights.'"

"Yeah, I guess she didn't want to scare me off, either," Bella chortled.

"Good call, Mom," I said with a wink. Just like a conditioned response, I got my smile.

"Okay, I'll shower and 'dress for dinner' then I'll 'call for you' at Alice and Jasper's," I said with a cheeky smile.

"I'll be waiting," Bella said with a laugh.

I walked into the bathroom, turned the water on, and immediately stepped under the spray before I could give into the immature urge to "accidentally" walk out of the bathroom while Bella was changing.

Once I finished, I turned off the water and patted myself dry before I wrapped the towel around my waist and headed back into the cabin. Bella must have already gone across the hall because she wasn't in the room.

I quickly dressed in a pair of slacks and a blue button up. I looked a little too stiff, so I rolled my sleeves up a little bit and opened my collar a little more than I usually did. After about ten minutes of futzing with my clothing so I looked casual, but not too casual, I silently berated myself for spending more time in front of the mirror than I had since high school. I was being ridiculous, but I wanted to make a good impression on Bella. I wanted to figure her out before I had to embarrass myself and ask my cousin for help.

I stepped across the hall and knocked on their door. Jasper opened it in a pair of dress slacks and a button up too, but he was buttoned up tight, sleeves all the way down to his wrist and just one button undone at his neck.

"Hey man, what happened to your plan to stay in shorts the entire trip?" I asked with a chuckle.

"You know Alice. She said if I dressed like that, I couldn't come to dinner. I have to 'play nice' now, if I want her to 'play nice' later," he said, waggling his eyebrows.

I winced. Alice was like my little sister; I didn't need to hear that.

"The girls are still on the balcony looking at the water. I think there were some dolphins swimming alongside the ship or something," he said, checking over his shoulder. "I want to talk to you before they come in."

I nodded in reaction to his suddenly serious tone.

"What's your deal, man?"

"Huh?"

"With Bella, what's your deal, your plan with her?" he asked, crossing his arms over his chest. Jasper was normally a fairly laid-back guy, but his posture told me he was dead serious.

"Are you asking me what my intentions are?"

"Maybe. I think Chief Swan might appreciate it."

"Chief Swan?" I asked, slightly irritated. "Does Chief Swan know that you and your wife cajoled me into spending a week 'playing house' with his daughter?"

"First off, there was no 'we'; this was all Alice. Secondly…"

"Nice. Throw your wife under the bus."

"Under the bus? My wife _is_ the bus!" he defended. "Secondly, Bella's a nice girl; she doesn't deserve to be played with and then cast away."

"I'm not going to do that."

"I've seen the way you look at her."

"So?" There was really no point in denying it.

"You hurt Bella, and Alice hurts too. You have no idea how close those women are," he said, taking half a step closer and lowering his voice even more. "Don't hurt my wife."

I took a step back and raised my hands in surrender. "I won't. To tell you the truth, she's confusing the hell out of me. She's running hot and cold, and I'm not sure what's up with her, but I won't push her into anything or use any woman like that."

"Bella's not had the best of luck with guys. She's dated some real jerks. Be careful with her."

Jasper looked me in the eyes again. "You know it would be even worse for Alice if _you_ were the one to hurt Bella, right? She pretty much thinks you walk on water. It would crush her if you turned out to be a douche."

I nodded in understanding; and then was thankfully saved from any more lectures by the sound of the balcony slider opening and the girls coming back in to the room.

Bella looked beautiful "dressed for dinner" in a little cream colored, sleeveless dress. "You look really pretty," I said, wanting to kick myself for being so lame.

She blushed and looked down at her feet. "So do you," she quietly said as she tucked her hair behind her ear and raised her eyes to mine. "I mean you look handsome, you look nice."

We stood there for a moment, awkwardly smiling at each other until I was unable to handle the silence. I pointed to the green butterfly on her necklace and asked, "Do you like butterflies?"

I didn't know what was happening to me. It was like I was some pimply faced middle-schooler, trying to think of how to ask the prettiest girl in the school to the end of year dance. I'm almost thirty years old. I've done this before, many times. _Where the fuck was my swagger?_

"Umm, yeah," she said, touching the pendant and then her bracelet. "They're lucky; I mean they're jade. Jade is supposed to be lucky."

I smiled, relieved that she seemed to be as nervous as I was.

"Look honey, our little Bella wants to get lucky!" Alice simpered, swaying side to side while leaning back on Jasper.

Bella looked over and gasped. She narrowed her eyes and her whole frame tensed.

Alice looked a little taken aback by Bella's reaction, but she quickly covered her surprise with a smug grin. Bella rolled her eyes and shook her head at her.

"You look nice too, Alice," I said, leaning to kiss her cheek in a delayed greeting.

"Thank you, cousin," Alice said with a twirl.

I laughed and suggested we head for the dining room.

Alice and Jasper walked ahead of us in the narrow hall, and Bella put her hand on my forearm to signal me to stop for a moment.

"I'm really sorry about that in there," she said, pointing to Alice's door. "I don't think she knows about you, and I wasn't sure if you were on the down-low or what."

"What?" _What in the hell was she talking about?_ Before she could answer, Alice called for us to catch up and we hurried to join them in the elevator lobby.

During dinner, the four of us relaxed and enjoyed the atmosphere of the dining room. Bella reaffirmed her promise to loosen up and have fun despite the unusual circumstances. Alice offered a toast to a great vacation and to learning a thing or two.

Everything was going great, despite the constant glances and leers toward both Alice and Bella. It began to bother me more and more, and I briefly considered pulling the linens off a couple of tables to cover the girls with.

Just as we stood to leave, Bella was approached by a man who introduced himself as Mike and trailed the back of his finger up and down her shoulder as he spoke lowly to her. From his goatee, polo and perma-press chinos, I sized him up as a one-time all-American-boy who now sold insurance or direct sales consumer products.

Bella pulled away from him as far as she could in the limited space between her and the table, but he leaned into her, taking up the space she had just created.

He was talking lowly enough that I could make out the buzz of his voice, but I couldn't quite tell what he was saying. He moved his hand to play with the little green butterfly earring that matched her necklace.

"Excuse me," I started to say, but before I could finish my objection. "Don't worry, you get to play too," he said as he pointed to a woman standing near the grand staircase, wearing a black dress that dipped down to her belly button and had slits up to her hips. "We just had them redone. Double D's," he added with a smirk as he nodded in her direction.

He turned back to Bella, again speaking too low for me to hear exactly what he was saying. The dude was clueless, because she was still clearly uncomfortable and not any more interested in him than I was in his wife.

He brushed her hair back over her shoulder, and Bella continued to stare, shocked. I finally stepped up to stand directly behind her, wrapped my arm around hers, and batted his had away. "Did I give you permission to touch my wife?" I asked forcefully.

The idiot stood there and shook the confusion from his head. "I apologize; I didn't know you were like that." He squared his shoulders and stood more formally, looking me directly in the eye. "May I have permission to touch your pet, Sir?"

 _Was this guy for real?_ "No. You may not touch her. Do not talk to her either. As a matter of fact, don't even think of her anymore."

Bella still seemed shell-shocked. I leaned down to her ear. "Bella, breathe."

She took a deep breath, and her posture relaxed. "Let's go back to the cabin, okay?"

She nodded her head and reached for my hand. Just as we had from the library, I led her through the halls and back to our room.

When we got in the elevator, I asked rhetorically, "What happened to 'no means no'?"

"She never actually said 'no,'" Alice answered.

"Are you serious? You can't really think there was any way she was receptive to that!" I nearly growled at her.

"No, I'm just saying maybe we need to think of some way to be clearer with the thirty-five hundred other people on this ship, most of whom are expecting us to be more receptive to their offers."

Bella finally broke her silence, scoffing at Alice. "How do you politely tell a stranger you don't want his penis in your mouth?"

I released Bella's hand to offer some silent comfort by gently rubbing her back.

"I don't know," Alice sighed.

The elevator dinged when it reached deck six, and Alice reached out and wrapped her arm around Bella's, pulling her out of the elevator. Both girls leaned into each other as they made their way down the hall to our rooms with Jasper and I following behind. Even huddled together, the two of them looked tiny.

When we reached our doors, Alice and Bella separated, but Alice was still holding her wrist. "Do you want to come over and hang out for a while?"

"It's kind of been a long day, you know? And we still have to pull the beds apart and re-make them. I think I'm going to call it a night."

"Okay, goodnight Belly Bear," Alice said while pulling her into a hug.

"Goodnight, Ali Cat," Bella chuckled in return.

Alice broke from Bella's embrace and turned to give me a hug while Bella and Jasper said their goodnights. I smiled at my cousin, and she narrowed her eyes at me. Even with one arm around my neck for a hug, she pointed her finger at me. "Don't. We've been friends since we were six years old," she said, waving her hand between Bella and herself. "She can call me that; you cannot."

"You got it, Tiny Terror."

"Not that either; I always hated that one!" She laughed as she playfully slapped my shoulder.

"Okay, goodnight, Alice," I said, kissing her cheek.

"'Night, cousin."

I gave Jasper a nod, and turned to open our door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank for reading. I'll thank you even more if you leave a review. Yes, like that! You know what I'm talking about. ;)**
> 
>  
> 
> **And now it's time for a rec. The Love Boat aired at nine o'clock on Saturday evenings. Do you know what came on right after it at ten o'clock?**
> 
>  
> 
> **Who said Fantasy Island? Wouldn't it be cool if there were a Fantasy Island fic too? There is!**
> 
>  
> 
> **That's right, Carlisle in a white, linen suit making everyone's fantasy come true. I'll give you an imaginary fic dollar if you can guess how tall Jake is. I've been pre-reading her chapters for a while and I'm super excited that she posting them now. Maxandmo is hilarious, and he Fantasy Island is full of sexy fun.**
> 
>  
> 
> **Fantasy Island:The Twilight 25 Challenge:Round Six**
> 
>  
> 
> **Summary: "My dear guests, I am Mr. Cullen, your host. Welcome to Fantasy Island." Written for The Twilight Twenty-Five Challenge using prompts. Da plane, da plane!**
> 
>  
> 
> **fanfiction.net/s/8117767/**


	4. Fan

I pulled the keycard out of my pocket, and opened our door; as soon as Bella's eyes settled on her trunk, she sighed loudly.

"I think I better change before we try and pull that apart," she said, pointing at the bed.

"Good idea. I think I'll change while you're in there, too." I nodded.

She quickly gathered her things and headed for the bathroom, and I pulled my newly acquired pajamas from my designated drawer. I hadn't worn pajamas to bed since my dorm days in college, but when Alice convinced me to come on this trip and told me I'd be rooming with her best friend, I thought I should revisit the idea of sleeping in a bit more than my underwear.

"I'm ready. Are you done changing?" Bella called from the bathroom door.

"Yep, the coast is clear."

Bella stepped out wearing these tiny little shorts with little red flowers and a red bow just below her belly button, with a matching red tank top. She was clutching the clothes she had worn and a handful of jewelry. She rushed to the dresser and tried to slyly pull her bra out from between the folds of her dress, quickly shoving it into the drawer. I might have found her modesty sweet if I hadn't been distracted by her ass in those little shorts.

She was still turned away from me as she put away her jewelry and re-hung her dress, and it took a concentrated effort to make sure she didn't catch me staring at it when she turned around.

"So I guess we should start stripping," she said, worrying her lip and wringing her wrist with one hand. I snickered, and she quickly amended, "The bed! We should start stripping the bed!"

"I'm good with either way," I said with a wink.

Just like magic, her smile returned, and she laughed. "Ha ha, funny guy."

I followed her lead as she began removing the covers from the bed. I would have just whipped them off, but she folded everything as she methodically removed layer after layer.

When we finally got down to the thick pad that converted the two twins into a single king size bed, Bella took a deep breath. She stepped back and shuddered a little, pointing at it as if it would jump out and bite her. "I can't, I can't do it," she muttered, shaking her head.

"What?" I asked confused.

Bella was scratching her arms, shoulders, and neck, and then reached up to scratch under the messy pile of hair on the top of her head. She then brushed off her legs and started the circuit over again.

"That's probably where it all is."

"All what?"

"Dust mite poop. And dead skin. It's probably all over that thing. I doubt it's even safe to breathe. In ten years a mattress doubles in weight from it."

"Then why in the hell did we expose it?"

She calmed down slightly and tilted her head in confusion. "We have to pull them apart," she said simply.

I stared at her blankly. I was beginning to think she was fucking fruit loops as she stood there staring at the bed, scratching herself like she had fleas.

"Fine. I'll roll it up, and you won't have to touch it," I said, a little irritated.

"Really?" She smiled like I'd just given her the moon.

"Sure." I reached to start rolling the pad.

"Wait!"

"Holy shit, what now?" I growled in frustration.

Nervously biting her lip, Bella asked, "Umm, can I go stand over there first?" She pointed at the door.

I waved her toward the door, and she leapt across the room, bounding off the top of her trunk and pressing her back to the door.

The girl was definitely batshit. I rolled my eyes and again started rolling the pad.

I heard a click and then Bella yelling through the bathroom door. "I have some garbage bags in my trunk. Can you wrap it up in them?"

I stomped over to her trunk and opened the lid. Inside were bags of bedding, pillows, ten or twelve books, and a portable fan. I finally found a clear vinyl pouch that held several of those giant black garbage bags.

I grabbed two of the black bags and brought them back to the bed where I finally got the pad rolled and enclosed it like a giant, black burrito. I called the "all clear" for Bella, and she hesitantly made her way back out.

We rearranged the furniture, fitting the coffee table, her giant trunk, the rolled up bed pad and the two nightstands that would have prevented us from pulling the two beds apart in the little space in front of the loveseat. There wasn't a lot of room in the cabin to begin with, but when we were finished, we had to dodge something every time we tried to move.

We pulled as hard as we could; at one point, I actually ended up pulling both beds and Bella toward me, but they were not separating. I grabbed my phone to use as a flashlight and looked for any kind of lock that would keep them together, or some kind of release, but I found nothing. I felt under the frame where the beds met and felt the distinct, lumpy, raised surface of a weld.

"I think they've been welded together. The frame must have broken at some point."

"No."

"What do you mean, no?"

"They can't be stuck together. They come apart. Alice said they come apart!"

"Well, Alice really hasn't had the most reliable information about this trip, has she?" I snapped back.

Bella startled a little, and I immediately knew I shouldn't have taken my frustrations out on her.

"I'm sorry, but the bed is not coming apart. You take the bed. Here you can even pull these curtains." I released the tieback of one of the curtains that separated the bed area from the sitting area. "I'll take the loveseat."

Bella's eyes narrowed as she looked from me to the loveseat and back. "You can't sleep there. You're over six feet tall. How are you going to fit on that thing? It's at max four feet long."

"I think it pulls out."

"Even if it does, there's not enough room," she said, flailing her arm. "Because of this damn trunk. Why did I bring this stupid freaking thing?" Bella kicked the trunk for emphasis and then cursed out loud.

She slammed the lid of the trunk down and sat on it, bringing her foot up to rub her toe. Just when I thought she was going to start crying, she burst into laughter. "Ow, that really hurt," she whined through her giggles. "That wasn't such a good idea."

I couldn't help but join her chuckles. "There's that temper I remember."

"Um, yeah. Not my finest moment."

"Do you think it's okay? Can I take a look?" I asked, kneeling in front of her.

She nodded her head and removed the hand covering her toe. "I'm sure it's fine. See, I can wiggle it and everything."

I took her angry pink toe in my hand and gently moved it around, watching her face for winces.

"You're not an orthopedist, are you? I'm pretty sure Alice would have mentioned if you were a doctor."

"No," I chuckled. "But I did play sports all through school and college, and I've broken my share of toes and fingers."

"Oh, well, I'm a left-handed blonde in a right-handed brunette's body, so I've had my share of broken toes and fingers, too," she snorted.

"In that case, I concur with your diagnosis, Blondie," I said with a wink.

Bella smiled brightly behind her light laugh. She stood and looked around the room, sighing, "We could share, you know. It's not like anything is going to happen."

 _Ouch_. "Yeah, we're both adults," I agreed.

"So, I guess we need to remake the bed? Can you put that…" she said, pointing at the rolled mattress pad, "…thing back on?"

"Put it back on?" I asked dryly. _Was she serious?_ After I wrestled that thing by myself into submission, she wanted me to put it back on? "What about the dust mites and dead skin?"

"I brought a mattress protector. It's supposed to keep them from getting into your mattress, so I thought if we turned it inside out, it would keep them all inside. Plus, my guess is these have probably been pulled apart mostly for kids, so they've probably been peed on, repeatedly."

"And you were going to sleep on one of them anyway?"

"Yeah, well, not directly. I brought a feather bed to put over them. Well, it's actually king size, so it'll work out better this way."

"You brought a featherbed with you on a cruise?" I asked, astonished.

"In ten years…"

"I know, I know!" I cut her off, speaking a little harsher than I should have. "If you brought king size bedding, how were you going to make it fit on a twin?"

"I was going fold the featherbed in half and sleep on it double, and then tuck everything in really good," she said, shrugging.

"You were going to sleep on a double thickness featherbed and leave me on a pissed on mattress?" I asked flatly.

"Um, I didn't know there was a 'you' when I packed this stuff. I thought it was just me and a king size bed!"

"What? You didn't know I was coming? When did Alice tell you?"

"Alice told me about fifteen minutes before we got to the restaurant."

"Are you serious?" I asked in disbelief.

"Yeah. She thought I would back out if she told me."

"Do people routinely withhold information from you to make you do what they want?"

"I guess so," she chuffed, as if it had just occurred to her.

She started pulling things out of her trunk and paused, looking at me before her eyes moved to the bagged pad.

"I'm not putting that thing back on. It was a pain in the ass to get in those bags; I'm not messing with it anymore."

Bella tilted her head and looked at me expectantly. I wondered how often she'd gotten her way with that look, because I almost wanted to give in to her.

"Don't look at me like that. I'm not doing it. If you want it back on, you do it."

"I'm not touching it!"

I shrugged. "Then we are at an impasse."

She narrowed her eyes and stared at me for a couple of beats, then she said, "I'm afraid so. I can't compete with you physically, and you're no match for my brains."

"Huh?"

"The Princess Bride?" she asked, drawing out her words.

"What?"

"Never mind," she huffed. "What the hell are we going to do with it then?"

I shrugged again. "I don't know. Maybe we can ask housekeeping to take it in the morning."

"Fine. Whatever," she agreed, sounding annoyed as she moved over to the bed.

She started to unfold a mattress protector but paused and looked up at me with fluttering eyelashes. "Are you going to help me or what?" she asked playfully.

Her silliness made me smile, and my frustration with her dissipated. I moved to the opposite side of the bed and started to pull the elastic corner of the cover over the head of the bed as Bella did the same. Bella's actions mirrored my own as we moved to the foot of the bed to repeat the process.

She pulled out a fitted sheet to cover the cover, and then the featherbed. Once it was settled across the two twins, Bella brought out a small, thin comforter.

"That's too small," I pointed out.

"I know. It's actually a full size, but it fits over the featherbed perfectly."

I furrowed my brow in confusion, looking at it neatly lined up with the edges of the feather bed.

"No matter what they say about the quality of their feathers, or the fabric cover, I can still feel the feathers poking me. This comforter will keep us from feeling the feathers. Plus, it's a little creepy sleeping on feathers."

"You don't like the feeling or idea of sleeping on feathers…" I leaned forward on the bed, pressing into the loft of the featherbed for emphasis. "Yet you sleep on a featherbed? How does that make any sense? That can't even make sense to you." I shook my head.

Bella shrugged her shoulders and laughed.

I continued teasing her as we added another fitted sheet to cover the featherbed and comforter combo, top sheet, and finally a comforter. Lastly, Bella pulled out two pillows, telling me they were hers, and I'd have to use the ones that came with the room.

Then she removed a body pillow from the trunk, hugging it as she carried it to the bed. "You know, we could put this between us if that would make you more comfortable," she offered.

"Uh, sure," I agreed, wondering if that was her way of protecting herself from me without having to say 'don't touch me.'

"But don't worry, you're safe. Believe it or not, you're not the first gay man I've slept with," she said, looking at the floor like she was embarrassed.

"What?" I asked, confused.

"I know you heard what Alice said at the club this afternoon. My ex-boyfriend, Jake—we dated… or… whatever, for two years before he came out."

I probably should have addressed the sadness in her voice over this 'Jake' character, but I was a little stuck on the fact that she thought that I was gay. I stared at her for a moment. "I'm not gay."

"It's okay, Edward. You don't have to pretend with me. I understand," she said sincerely.

"No, I don't think you do understand."

"And I know Alice doesn't know. I won't tell her," she promised without addressing my denial.

"Bella, I'm not gay. I'm straight. Why would you think I'm gay?"

"Come on Edward. You're thirty years old, gorgeous, and unmarried. You go by the pretentious 'Edward,' instead of 'Ed' or 'Eddie.' You haven't checked out one single woman on this boat, no matter how little they were wearing, and you've been spending time in Miami wearing garish, vintage designer silk shirts. It's kind of obvious," Bella said with her hand on her hips.

I was flabbergasted. I raised my hand to start counting off my points. "One, I've been in Miami with my grandmother who has not been doing well since my granddad's death six months ago. She gave me that ugly-ass shirt, and I didn't have the heart not to wear it for her.

"Two, I'm too old to be 'Eddie,' and my dad is 'Ed.'

"Three, I'm still single because I haven't found the right _woman_. WOMAN.

"And four, it's true I haven't been checking out these other women, but that's because I've been interested in this crazy-assed woman who brings her own fucking bedding on a cruise and has been running hot and cold toward me. But I think I get it now; it's because you think I'm gay."

With each point, I advanced toward her until she was backed against the wall, and I stood right in front of her. I leaned forward, bracing myself against the wall, and lowered my face to hers. I could feel her breath quicken as she looked into my eyes.

"I know there's something here, something between you and me. I felt it in the restaurant, and in the terminal, and at the library, at dinner, when we were making that ridiculous bed," I said as I leaned even closer. "I know you feel it too," I said as I breathed the delicate fragrance at her neck and placed a tiny kiss just below her ear.

Bella exhaled a breathy whimper, but her eyes never left mine. She wasn't going to concede on her own.

"You do, don't you?" I whispered, with another small kiss on the apple of her cheek.

Bella nodded slightly, turning even more into me.

Three sharp knocks jolted us both from our positions.

I stomped to the door, more than a little irritated, because I really wanted Bella to answer that question. Or even more, I wanted to know _how_ she would answer. I ripped it open, and there was my sweet little cousin, who had sweet-talked me into the trip but had completely hoodwinked Bella into coming.

"Alice," I barked at her. "Why didn't you tell Bella I was coming until right before you got here?"

Alice completely ignored me, barely poking her head in the cabin, quickly saying, "I just wanted to see if you were settled, and obviously you are. Okay, night-night, love you both," before she pulled the door shut on herself.

"Your cousin has a natural gift for getting the heck out of Dodge, doesn't she?" Bella chuckled.

"You could say that."

After Alice's interruption, Bella went back to making the bed as if nothing had happened.

I wanted to go back to where we were before, back to her admission that she felt something too. I wanted to press her into that wall and show her what she'd been doing to me all day.

It was ironic that she thought I was gay because of that shirt. As we said our goodbyes this morning, my grandmother took my face in her hands, sighing wistfully, "You're too good a man not to have a good woman looking after you." She brushed her thumbs over my cheeks. "Maybe you'll find a wife on that boat. Lots of people fall in love on them, you know; there used to be a whole TV show about it, every week," she told me, patting my cheek before she prattled on about how if she wasn't so in love with grandpa, she would have gladly run off with the ship's doctor.

I wasn't sure if she was teasing or if she really thought that show was real-life. I briefly pondered whether I could spin her confusion into an excuse for not going when her eyes suddenly brightened with excitement, and she demanded that I wait in place and shuffled to her room.

A short time later, she returned with that ugly shirt. She announced it was the perfect thing to catch the eye of every pretty girl on the ship before she started mumbling about how she could never understand why grandpa hadn't ever wanted to wear it. I knew why. She was so insistent that I change into it right away, and she looked so excited, I didn't have the heart to refuse.

She actually squealed when she saw me fasten the last button. "You look so dapper!" she said as she brushed her hands over my shoulders. "You're going to catch the eye of every single lady on that boat. The married ones, too," she said excitedly before her voice took on a warning tone. "But you stay away from them.

"Go find a yourself a good girl, they do all the stuff the bad ones do, they just don't advertise it," she said, patting my cheek. "If your grandpa was still here, you could ask him. I was a good girl, you know."

I pulled her in for a hug as a moment of sadness flashed in her eyes. "You still are a good girl, Grandma; the very best."

"That's not what I mean, and you know it," she chuckled.

I released her from my hug, laughing. "I do, but this isn't a floating bride mall. It's a cruise with my cousins."

"Still, I'm getting old. When are you going to bring me a new granddaughter and some great grand-babies?" she asked with a longing in her eyes.

"Fine. I'll see what I can do," I told her cheekily, making her smile.

I guess the joke was on her. There was only one single lady on this entire ship, and she thought the shirt made me look like I was gay.

Bella's muttering pulled me from my thoughts. She was on her hands and knees beside the bed trying to force the black bags of the cruise line's bedding under the frame.

"I think these will fit under here," she softly grunted with a forceful shove.

I briefly thought of how much easier her task would be if I simply crossed the three feet to the bed and lifted the frame for her. But I couldn't make myself move because having a beautiful woman on her hands and knees in front of me, as she bounced and huffed with her effort, was not something I was willing to stop.

She eventually got the bag fully under the bed. Popping up, leaning her arms on the bed she asked, "So which side do you want?"

"I don't care. Do you want that side, and I'll just take this one?"

"Umm…" She bit her lip. "Would you mind if I take that side?" she asked, pointing to where I stood.

She really was confusing the hell out of me. _Why would she even ask if she wanted this side anyway?_ Then I realized, "You don't want to sleep on that side because that's where you stuffed all the original bedding, and now you don't want to sleep over it!"

Bella hung her head and nodded, but looked up pleadingly.

"Why didn't you just put it in your trunk? There's plenty of room in there."

Her brows furrowed, and for a moment, her expression morphed like I'd asked the dumbest question in the world, before her face scrunched in revulsion.

"Fine," I said, holding my hands up in pretend surrender. "You can have this side."

Bella smiled victoriously as she sidestepped from the side of the bed to the foot where we awkwardly danced around each other to go to our new sides.

Just as I began to pull the covers down, Bella stopped me. "Maybe we should take a shower first."

 _She wanted to take a shower together?_ The shower is tiny. When I took one earlier, I bumped my elbows washing my hair, but to shower with her, I could make it work.

She must have seen the thoughts that were going through my mind, because she quickly amended, "Showers," emphasizing the 'ers,' "Two showers. One each. We should each take our own showers."

My mouth fell open as I struggled with a response. She started twisting her finger in the hem of her little pajama shorts, which did not help my concentration, and she looked away from me before her nervous babbling continued. "Well, because we stripped the bed, and you know all that stuff can sort of fly around in the air when it's disturbed, and then it had to land somewhere, and that could be us. And we, well, you, wrestled with that thing twice, and there's really no sense putting on new bedding if you're just going to bring the old stuff onto the new bed."

 _Holy fuck. She really is completely crazy_. The girl was all over the place, but when I thought about it, it was a quirky kind of crazy, and that kind of turned me on. It was cute, and it was almost like she needed someone to save her from her own insanity. Maybe I was the crazy one. I'd been up and down at least as much as she had, I thought, as I looked down at myself.

"You know what? I could probably use another shower," I said as I headed for the bathroom.

I took a quick, cool shower and started to redress myself when I thought of what Bella's reaction would be if I came back out in the same PJ's . I wrapped the towel around my waist and walked out of the bathroom and straight to the dresser.

Bella gasped, and I smirked in victory as soon as my back was turned to her.

"Okay, I'm just going to go in for one now," she quietly said as she scurried into the bathroom with her arms full of new nightwear.

Since that was really my only set of pajamas, I dressed in a pair of sweat shorts and an undershirt and quickly made my way to the bed before Little Miss Crazy could think of another reason to keep me out of it.

While I was in the shower, Bella had fished unpacking her trunk. She had a tidy stack of books lined up on the bottom shelf of the nightstand on her side of the bed, and a little black fan was settled on top.

Bella had turned down the covers and tucked the body pillow under the blankets, almost down the middle, giving my side just a bit more room. It made me smile to realize that even though she was crazy, she was still thoughtful and considerate.

I climbed in, lying on my side with my back to the middle of the bed and closed my eyes. A short time later, I heard the click of the bathroom door opening and Bella trying to be quiet as she made her way to the bed. She got into bed, and I could feel her adjusting her covers so that they were just right.

She finally settled, and I looked over my shoulder to see she mirrored my position.

"Good night, Bella."

"Good night, Eddie-spaghetti with meatballs for eyes. Pop him in the oven and make french-fries," she quietly giggled.

I laughed at the ridiculous rhyme she used to annoy me with when we were kids. "How in the hell can you remember that?"

I felt her shrug, and then she reached for something on the nightstand. I heard a click, and then the low whir of a motor, and I suddenly felt a breeze hit my shoulder.

"What is that?"

"My fan."

"Why do you need a fan? The cabin is air conditioned; it's already quite cool in here," I said, turning to face her.

She had turned too, and she explained, "I can't sleep with stale air, and…,"

"Stale air? Are you serious?"

"Yes. I need to have air moving around me or I feel like I'm going to suffocate."

"Well it's making me cold," I said gruffly as I reached over her and turned the fan off.

She sat up and crossed her arms. "You're under the covers, how can you even feel it?"

"I can feel it on my shoulders and the back of my head."

She picked up the thin, soft blanket that had fallen to her lap when she sat up. "Here, I'll share my shoulder blanket with you."

"What… what the fuck is a _shoulder blanket_?"

Even in the dark, I sensed that Bella's head was hanging in embarrassment, and she said, "It's not really a 'thing.' I like to sleep with the comforter tucked under my arms, but they get cold, so I use a small, light blanket over my shoulders," she barely whispered.

I felt about two inches tall. I didn't mean to make her feel bad, especially when she was offering to share something with me. "I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean to snap at you."

"It's okay. I know that I have these weird habits. I've always had trouble sleeping; all of this," she said, waving her hands over the bed. "All of this stuff, it helps. The more comfortable I am, the easier it is to sleep. If the blankets are itchy or too heavy, or the sheets are too rough, or the fan isn't on, I just can't…I can't settle down enough to sleep. I'll toss and turn all night, and then you won't get any sleep either."

Now I felt even smaller, like a jackass. "Bella, it's not okay. I'm still sorry."

"Let me turn it back on." I leaned over her again, and this time my chest brushed against her sitting form. The fan buzzed back to life, and I could feel her breathily say, "Thank you," against my cheek.

I moved back to my designated spot facing the wall.

"And the white noise! The fan creates white noise so every creak and sound in the night doesn't wake me up," she said as she slid back into her sleeping position.

"Um… do you want some of this blanket for your shoulders?"

"No, it's okay, I'll tuck my arms under the comforter, and I'll be fine."

"Okay, good night, Edward."

I smiled, thinking of her calling me Eddie-Spaghetti earlier, and said, "Good night, Bellybutton."

She softly snickered and snuggled deeper into her blankets.

I drifted quickly to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **What would you call Edward as you drifted to sleep with just a body pillow between his body and yours?**
> 
> **Can I leave you another rec?**
> 
> **A Little Magic by GeekChic12 fanfiction.net/s/7942538/1/A_Little_Magic**  
>  In an online world before Skype and eHarmony, two lonely gamers make a connection in a little game of Magic. This Edward and Bella are real, and funny, and stumbling to figure out how be together when they live two thousand miles apart. This Edward is beyond sweet in all his geeky gamer glory. And it's based on how GeekChic12 met her Edward. (Aww, a real life love story, we love those!) Go read and leaver her a little love.
> 
> Plus, GeekChic12 (or Geeky, as I like to call her) is super sweet.
> 
> Official Summary: After four long years, Bella finally gets what she's been missing, but it's not enough. She needs more. Will she find it in the most unlikely of places? They say when you're not looking, that's when love finds you.


	5. Green

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> **See you next Wednesday. ;)**

A sharp click woke me. I lay still, refusing to open my eyes; as much as I wanted to drift back to sleep, I knew I wouldn't be able to. As the fogginess of sleep lifted, I remembered I was sharing a bed with Edward Cullen. Alice's cousin, Edward. The Edward Cullen I had a crush on since elementary school. The Edward Cullen who was not gay.

I tried to adjust myself, hoping I was still properly covered and ran my fingers through my hair trying to smooth down the rat's nest I typically had in the morning. I was sure my breath was horrid, and I hoped Edward wasn't sleeping close enough to smell it.

I opened my eyes; the room was still lit only with the dim vanity light, as it had been when I fell asleep. Being an interior cabin, it would be this dark at noon, but I was sure it was much earlier. I hoped Edward was still sleeping, but I dared not look toward his side of the bed just in case he wasn't.

I felt a little trapped by the situation. I didn't want Edward to see me like this, but I couldn't just lie here all day. Eventually he'd get up, and he'd see me like this anyway. There was really only one thing I could do. I was going to make a run for the bathroom. If I could just get there before Edward saw me, I could brush my teeth and hair and make sure I wasn't "hanging out" in any places I shouldn't.

Stealth was the key. I gently lifted the covers and scooted to the edge of the bed, trying not jostle Edward. The comforter settled on me, and I slowly dangled one leg over the edge until the ball of my foot was planted on the floor. I took a deep breath and tried to remember where we had left that stupid trunk and the rolled up mattress pad. I would have to dodge them if I was going to make it to the safety of the bathroom without waking him.

I took a deep breath, lifted the cover once more and slid out of the bed. Once both feet were on the floor, I darted to the bathroom on the balls of my feet, avoiding the rolled mattress pad and the trunk, quietly calling out, "Good morning, Edward" on the way, just in case he was awake.

Once in the bathroom, I closed the door as gently as possible, trying to minimize the noise. I flipped the light switch, looked in the mirror and grimaced at my reflection. My fingers made a pretty crappy comb, because my hair was still a tangled mess. _How in the world does hair get so messy just sleeping?_

I quickly ran through my morning routine. With complete pajama coverage, a minty clean mouth and freshly brushed hair, I stood behind the door for a couple of minutes, contemplating what I would do if Edward was awake when I went back into the room.

Or even worse, what if he liked to sleep in? What would I do for hours while he slept? I guess I could always hang out with Alice and Jasper until he woke if they weren't sleeping in too.

As quietly as possible, I opened the door and crept into the room. I glanced at the bed, expecting to see sleeping Edward, but it was empty. I reached over and turned on the overhead lights, but Edward wasn't there. I turned around the room, and there, propped against the mirror, was a note.

Went for a run. Be back shortly.

-E

It suddenly occurred to me that the click that woke me up was the sound of Edward leaving for his run. All my mission impossible moves to get to the bathroom and make myself presentable were for naught.

I looked at the clock to find it was just after six thirty in the morning. It was probably too early to call Alice, especially since they were still adjusting to the three-hour time difference.

According to the itinerary, we should be tendered in Coco Cay in the next half hour. I wondered if we already were. I didn't feel the same slight rocking I noticed when I laid down last night.

Before I even left Washington, I signed up for a snorkeling excursion. As I glanced through our paperwork, I noticed the reservation for my snorkel gear was at ten AM. I'd have plenty of time to come back to the room to change into my swimsuit and grab my things after breakfast.

I kept looking through the paperwork until I found my SeaKey. It looked like a typical hotel key card, except that it had a picture of me on it, which was taken when we checked in. Not only did it open our cabin door, it had all kinds of information about my place on the ship and was necessary to disembark or re-board the ship at the Ports of Call. It also served as a method to charge things to the room. I turned the card over and noticed that it listed my name as "Cullen, Bella Swan." I guess I'm married.

I glanced at the clock, and it was still before seven. I could wait until seven to call Alice; seven was an acceptable hour to call, right? I thought of reading for a while, but I was a little on edge. I really wanted to talk to Alice about Edward, so instead, I sat on the love seat, resting my chin on my knee and watched my phone count down the minutes until seven. The costs of using cell phones and wifi on the ship were insane, so my phone was pretty much just a glorified clock now anyway.

My mind drifted to the night before, when Edward stalked toward me until my back was to the wall. I closed my eyes, remembering his hot breath against my neck, and those two sweet pecks. I saw the want in his wolfish glare; he was going to kiss me, really kiss me, and I've never wanted to be kissed so badly before. How could I have been so sure he was gay and not had a clue Jacob was at all? I'm the only woman on the planet with zero gaydar.

The more I thought about it, the more I hoped Edward didn't make it back before Alice woke up. Last night was awkward. After Alice interrupted us, I pretended as if nothing happened, and he let me. Then there was the whole bedding fiasco. He must think I'm crazy.

I decided that I'd quietly knock on their door rather than call. A phone call would be jolting and might wake them up if they were still sleeping. They could sleep through gentle taps at the door, right? _What am I going to do if she's still sleeping?_

My phone finally flipped over to seven o'clock, so I slipped my SeaKey in my pocket, held my breath, and twisted the handle to rush determinedly across the hall but was suddenly stopped as I slammed into a hard, sweaty chest.

I bounced off of him and expected a fall, but he quickly slid his arm around my waist to steady me. He kept me in his grasp for a few seconds longer than necessary, and his sweaty, masculine smell was…well, it was kind of gross. He released me, and we both apologized at the same time and chuckled before we lapsed back into the awkward silence.

I finally said, "I was just going to see if Alice was awake yet." At the same time he said, "I'm just going to jump in the shower," turning the awkward silence into awkward laughter.

"You sure take a lot of showers," I said like an idiot. It was one of those moments where as soon as the words left your lips, you wished you could physically catch them and stuff them back into your mouth.

"Not usually."

"I know. I'm sorry. I just…well, I don't know. I have no idea what's wrong with me. I'm not usually like this," I said, gesturing in wide circles to represent my crazy.

He chuffed. "It's okay, Bella." He tenderly touched my arm before he pulled his own SeaKey from his pocket and opened the door to our room. "See you at breakfast?"

I nodded in agreement, and he entered our cabin, shutting the door behind him. I slumped against the doorframe of Alice's room in embarrassment, and my forehead hit the door much harder than I expected, creating a dull thud. A moment later, the door I was partially leaning on was pulled out from under me as Alice opened it, and I had to step forward to keep from falling.

"Were you listening to that?" I asked accusatorily.

"No," she whispered, stepping into the hall. "I've been waiting for you to wake up for the past hour."

I laughed when I realized she'd been as desperate to talk to me as I was her.

"Jasper's still sleeping," she said, pointing at her door over her shoulder.

"Edward's showering," I said, pointing to ours.

"Coffee shop?"

"Yeah, let me tell Edward." I pulled the card from my pocket and opened the door.

"Tell him to meet us in the Wind Jammer Cafe at eight forty-five."

"What about Jasper?"

"I set the alarm for him."

"You set an alarm for him on the first day of his vacation? That's kind of mean."

She shrugged her shoulders, and we both dissolved into giggles.

I popped into our room and relayed the message to Edward through the bathroom door. He grunted in understanding. At least I think that's what he meant.

As we walked toward the elevators, Alice hooked her arm in mine. "So, tell me about you and Edward."

We ordered our coffees and found a nook with a couple of cozy arm chairs where I relayed the previous evening's events for Alice.

"I can't believe you thought he was gay!" she laughed, excitedly.

"I know!" I said, putting my hand on my forehead in frustration. "I don't know what to do. He said he felt something between us, but I don't know. Every time I'm near him, I turn into a complete idiot."

Alice was still laughing. "It's not funny! Do you know what I said to him in the hallway? I said, 'You sure take a lot of showers.' Stop laughing!" I told her, pinching the top of her thigh.

She straightened up. "Bella, have you noticed how he is around you?" She crossed her eyes and tilted her head. "Do you like butterflies?" she said overly slowly in a deep voice that I think was supposed to be an impression of her cousin.

"Come on, he hasn't been that bad."

"Uh yeah, he has. I think it's just you, because I've seen him around other women, and he's smooth, but around you, he's a blazing moron. "

"Have you seen him with a lot of women? Because I remember in high school, he always had girls around. Do you think he's a player?"

"I don't think he's ever had a problem finding a date if that's what you're asking, but I don't think that matters now because he's into you. I can tell."

"Well, it's not as if he has a lot of options right now," I complained, waving my hand in the air generally.

"Actually, I think it's just the opposite. Most of the women on this boat would be happy to have him, and their husbands are willing to watch," she said pointedly with a raised eyebrow.

Now I was even more conflicted about Edward than I was last night. I hadn't thought of that. Maybe I should give Edward the option to swing rather than forcing him to hang out with me.

"Don't do that," Alice broke the silence.

"What am I doing?" I asked defensively.

"You're over-thinking. Your mind is spiraling out of control obsessing on some weird thought that only makes sense to you."

"I'm not…" I started to argue, but I realized Alice knew me well enough to know that's exactly what I was doing. I ducked my head down. "It just doesn't make sense for him to like me, Alice."

"What doesn't make sense?" Alice asked, confused.

"It doesn't make sense that someone like him would like someone like me! Alice, look at him! He's gorgeous, smart, he has a great sense of humor, successful…," I raised my eyebrow on that last one, and Alice nodded in confirmation. "He could have any woman he wanted."

"Maybe he's tired of just anyone. Maybe he's looking for _the_ one, his one and only. And you're amazing. You never have seen yourself clearly, but you are a beautiful, intelligent, funny woman. He would be crazy not to fall for you. Plus, you have an awesome best friend!"

"That is true," I agreed with quiet giggles.

Alice reached over and threw her arms around my shoulders. "If it's meant to happen, it will. But you have to let it happen. Just let it happen."

"Don't you think it's a little, I don't know, convenient, that the only two unattached people on this ship would end up together? Two people who've known each other since they were kids but not at all as adults? Alice, I had a crush on him when I was a little girl! This is real life; it's not some cheesy romantic comedy."

"Maybe it's kismet," she said with a huge grin. Alice got a far off look on her face. "Maybe you were always meant to be together, and this crazy set of circumstances is the universe's way of fixing what went wrong."

"Or maybe the universe had help from a certain little hopeless romantic?"

"I swear, this wasn't a set up, but you have to see I was right when I said you two would be perfect for each other."

"Alice, I don't know. I don't…"

"Well you have to at least admit there's something between you two."

I nodded.

"It's a start."

"A start; I think I can agree with that."

"You know, even Jasper sees it; he gave Edward the 'talk' last night."

"The talk? Like the birds and bees?" I laughed thinking of Jasper explaining sex to Edward in a whole series of convoluted metaphors.

"Don't be silly, he gave him the 'hurt my little girl and I'll end you' talk."

"Jasper's three months younger than me!"

"Well, I think he thought in Charlie's absence, he'd fill in." Alice smiled with pride.

"Ugh," I grunted like a petulant teenager embarrassed by her parents.

Alice giggled. "I thought it was cute!"

I just shook my head.

We sipped our coffee, enjoying the quiet of the morning until it was time for us to meet the boys.

The café was surprisingly slow. I guess the other cruisers were still sleeping off their orgies. The boys weren't here yet, but Alice and I decided to go through the buffet without them. Alice was miffed, because she said she had woken Jasper up twice to tell him to be there at eight forty-five and had set the alarm to give him plenty of time.

I was a little overwhelmed by the choices the buffet offered. Stuck with the simplicity of fruit, I piled my plate with pineapple and melon chunks, strawberries, a banana and a slice of bacon. We had just gotten back to the table when I looked up to see the boys walking into the café.

As impossible as it was to think that anything could compare to seeing Edward in that blue button up last night, my mind seriously debated whether he looked even hotter in the casual board shorts and t-shirt with flip flops look. It was a tough call.

Noticing that we'd already gotten our plates, the boys barely broke their strides at the table before heading to the buffet line themselves.

They returned and as soon as Jasper sat down, Alice told him, "You're not eating that."

"Yes I am. This is my vacation, woman. Besides, Bella has bacon."

"Bella has one piece of bacon." She paused, examining his plate closer. "Not six."

"This is vay-cay-tion. And I'm going to eat what I want. You can stick to your egg white omelets," he said, pointing at her plate. "But I'm eating bacon."

Alice glared at him for a couple of seconds before she exhaled a breath in defeat. "You know what? You're right," she said as she reached over with lighting speed and stole a strip from his plate.

"Hey, now I only have five!"

We all laughed when Alice shrugged and smiled at him.

Edward piped in. "See Jasper, my wife lets me eat whatever I want," he said as he swiped a sausage link through the maple syrup on his plate and popped it into his mouth.

"Because I'm awesome that way," I said without skipping a beat.

"Yes, you are," Edward replied with a wink.

Edward's winks did something to my insides. I couldn't help but smile. "You know, I'm going to become immune to those winks," I teased him.

He chuckled and leaned toward me, looking into my eyes as he lowly said, "Doubt it."

I totally knew in that moment that I never would become immune to his winks, and I didn't even care that he knew it.

Still gazing at me, he smiled beautifully. "By the way, good morning."

"Good morning," I replied back with a blush.

"And good morning to you too, Jasper," Jasper said with an exaggerated high pitch that was supposed to be me.

"Yes, good morning Jasper. I see you're back to dressing yourself," I said, motioning to his tropical print camp shirt. "Did you call Tommy Bahama personally and ask for one of everything?"

Alice snorted and beamed at Jasper. He took the teasing with his usual good humor, and we continued our breakfast, talking about our plans for the day.

"Are you going snorkeling with Bella, Edward?" Alice asked.

"Actually, I have to stay on the ship. I need to get some work done, and I need to call into a meeting."

"What do you do?" I asked before I realized it wasn't something a wife wouldn't already know, and I palmed my forehead at the faux pas.

Edward rubbed my back and leaned in to whisper, "Relax Bella, I don't think anyone heard. And even if they did, it's not like they're going to make us walk the plank."

"No, but they can kick us off this boat. When you get kicked off a cruise ship, they send a helicopter to fly you back to Florida, and then they bill you for the flight. And you're left to figure out how to get home. They don't even take you back to the port you left from," I said quietly into his shoulder.

"Cool, I've always wanted a ride in a helicopter," Edward teased, trying to relieve my anxiety.

I turned slightly so I could see his face and gave him a small smile, silently thanking him.

"It'll be fine," he said, kissing the tip of my nose.

I nodded, and his retuning smile made my heart skip a beat.

Jasper started humming the theme to The Love Boat again, and I groaned in protest.

"You know Japer, this isn't the love boat; The Love Boat was on Princess Cruise Lines."

"Oh, I beg to differ. This is better than the Love Boat. It's the Group-love Boat!"

"Nice," Edward said, leaning over to give Jasper a high five. Alice giggled, and I just shook my head, trying not to smile because I knew it would only encourage him.

After breakfast, we strolled through the Promenade to waste time before we headed back to the cabins to get ready for our excursions.

Edward started to pull his laptop and files out of his bag. "So you're just going to stay here and work all day?"

"I actually booked time in the business center, but yes, I'm staying on the ship. I tried to clear my schedule so I could relax more. Unfortunately, I couldn't reschedule this meeting. It's really the only work I need to do for the rest of the trip. I think. I hope."

"What exactly do you do?" I asked as I dodged the trunk and mattress pad to sit on the love seat, pulling my knees up to my chin.

"I'm a green building consultant."

"Only green buildings?" I snickered. "Do you have something against other color buildings?"

He studied me for a moment, trying to determine if I was teasing. It was a corny joke; he probably got that all the time. He must have realized I was, because he smirked and said, "Yeah, just like M&Ms, the green ones are the sexiest."

"Ha ha," I brilliantly retorted.

"Actually, I specialize in rehabbing historic buildings for sustainability, but this summer I'm stepping back from project-based consulting to do some grant writing for a small town in Washington. They want to make their historic town center more sustainable, without losing the historic charm of the community."

"Wow, that's kind of cool."

"It'll be amazing for the community if they get the grants. It would mean a multiyear infusion of jobs and will reduce the long-term operating cost for their public spaces, reducing their carbon footprint."

His eyes twinkled as he spoke, and I could tell he had a lot of pride in his job and that he felt a connection to a greater good. I felt that way about teaching too.

"So, if you're working in Washington, does that mean you're coming home? I'll bet your parents are excited."

"With a decent internet connection, I can work from pretty much anywhere, which is how I've been able to spend so much time with my grandma since Granddad died. I prefer to be a bit closer to the site because it reduces the amount of fuel consumed for the occasional in-person visit. It's kind of hard to sell sustainability and conservation when you're jetting back and forth a couple of times a month."

"I can see that. It's nice that you can take the time with your grandma, though I don't even want to think about the alternatives if you hadn't agreed to come on this cruise, so thank you for that."

He nodded, but his brow was furrowed, and he looked at me as if he were trying to figure out how to respond. It made me nervous, and I started gnawing on my bottom lip as we descended into another awkward silence.

He let out a big gush of air and picked up his laptop bag. "I better get going. I want to test out the video conferencing equipment early so I'm ready when the meeting starts."

"Okay, I'll see you later?" I shook my head at myself. Of course he'd see me later; it's not like he could miss me in this tiny room.

Edward tried to hide his amused smile, but it was still there. "Can't wait," he said with a wink.

"Okay, now go save the planet," I chuckled as he strolled out of the door.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Thank you for reading! I love hearing what you think about a chapter, so leave a little note!**
> 
> **I like to rec stories that I really enjoy from other the authors that help keep me writing. (mostly in WC's) This week, I'm going to actually rec a contest instead. I'm pretty sure you've heard of Fic This Gif contest. But several of the girls I write have written for this contest and I can't wait to find out who wrote what. (I may or may not have pre-read for one and loved it!) So that is my rec, go read the entries, leave them a little love and vote June 8th. Here are the entries: u/3958398/FicThisGifAnonContest**


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys. Thanks for coming back! I have some exciting news. First, The Love Boat was selected as a Fic on the Week at The Lemonade Stand. I'm super excited and I really, really want to thank all of for going over there and voting. I think I may own a couple of you a favor or two. ;)
> 
> The Love Boat was also featured in the TLS Nursery on Friday, and to even be included in the same breath the other fics and authors in the Nursery this month makes me ridiculously excited. For some reason, people in my RL don't seem to appreciate the magnitude of this honor.
> 
> Can't find TLS? I'll give you a hint, the "The" is spelled twilly-style: http://www.tehlemonadestand.net/
> 
>  **AND** IndieFicPimp as also selected The Love Boat as the New Fic of the Week! IndieFicPimp is dedicated to pimping out the little know fic with less than 1,000 reviews.- indieficpimp.blogspot.com
> 
> It's been my best Fic Week ever! *Throws confetti*
> 
> Now that we're all covered in little bits of paper, does anyone wonder how Bella's snorkeling trip is going? Let's see…

Chapter 6 Coco Locos (BPOV)

* * *

One of the benefits-slash-consequences of visiting my mom in Jacksonville before the cruise was that she thought I needed a completely new wardrobe and used it as an excuse to splurge on me like she said she couldn't do when I was "all the way up there in that stuffy little town." I thought having so many swimsuits was excessive, especially since I wouldn't really have anywhere to wear them back home in Forks, but she insisted.

I barely had time to change and pack a beach bag before Alice was knocking at my door. I yelled through the door, "I'm ready, I'm ready!" as I grabbed my bag and sunglasses and rushed to open it before she knocked again. She was so impatient.

I pulled the door open and Alice gasped and put both hands over her mouth as she stepped back and looked me over. I was confused and looked around for anything that could have caused her reaction. Even Jasper looked confused. She stepped back toward me and took a wrist in each of her hands, pushing them out to my sides so she could inspect me better. If she hadn't been smiling so enthusiastically, I might have been worried I was covered in some kind of awful rash.

"A crocheted bikini and a pareo? I see midriff! Who are you, and where is the Bella Swan whose entire wardrobe consists of jeans or loose fitting dresses and matching sweaters?"

"Haha, very funny. You can't snorkel in a dress!" I replied, dryly.

"You know very well what I mean! I don't think I've ever seen you in a two piece. Ever!" she said excitedly as she hooked her arm in mine and started to pull me down the hall to the elevators. Just like always, Jasper dutifully followed behind us.

"Well, you know my mom, it's kind of hard to say 'no' to her when she's gets so excited."

"You don't seem to have any problem telling me 'no' when I'm excited," she said with a pout.

"Alice, you're always excited. And if I let you have your way, you'd lay my clothes out for me every day, and I'd be dressed like a high class call girl."

"How are you ever going to catch a man if you don't advertize? Speaking of, I hope my cousin saw you in this," she said with a smile.

Choosing to ignore her comment about Edward, I argued, "Alice, I teach kindergarten, I'm not looking for a five year old."

"Bella, they have dads and uncles! If you just play it up a little, they'll tell them about their pretty teacher!" she exclaimed.

"Alice," Jasper interjected from behind with a scoff. "Don't you remember when we went to Art Night? All those little boys are already in love with her."

We both craned our necks to see him, Alice to glare and me to mouth, "thank you" for guiding her away from the "dads and uncles" scheme.

She huffed and turned back to me as we entered the elevator. "Anyway, this is super cute. Crochet swimsuits are all the rage this year."

"Yeah, that's what my mom said; she insisted I needed one. This was the most modest one I could find." I tugged at the crocheted daisies that covered my ribs.

Alice grabbed the hem of her gauzy cover up and lifted it up to her chin to reveal a tiny little yellow crocheted bikini. "This was the _least_ modest one I could find!" she said with a laugh, and then spun around to show me the rosette that covered only the very center of her bum against the open weave of the rest of the bottom.

My jaw dropped, and I turned to Jasper. "You're going to let her wear that?" I asked, pointing at her re-covered bikini bottom.

He laughed heartily. "Bella, you know I can't stop Alice from wearing what she wants."

"But everyone will see her bottom!"

"They can look all they want, as long as they don't touch." He shrugged. "Right, Baby?" He leaned down to kiss her cheek and pinched her other cheek.

Alice jolted a bit, surprised by the nip. "That's right, Baby," she said with a coy simper as she raised her face to his for a lingering kiss. You would think that I would be used to witnessing their affection by now, yet it still made me blush. I looked away, focusing on the pattern of the textured paneling.

The elevator dinged, to my relief, and I let out a breath in a gush. Alice reached over, giving my bare arm a gentle squeeze and whispered, "We were already done. But watching you stare at the wall was kind of hot."

My brows furrowed as I processed what she told me, and I blushed again in embarrassment. Jasper at least tried to hold his laugh in, but Alice's infectious giggles got the better of both of us, and even I had to laugh at myself.

Alice halted us as we entered the lobby, holding her hand out. "I need your SeaKey."

I started to dig for it in my bag as I asked her why.

"You'll need it to get on and off the boat, to get your snorkeling gear, and for anything you want to buy on this island. Since it's privately owned by the cruise line, it's the only currency there. I brought these cool little badge reels with clips so we can just attach them to our clothes, but we need to get holes punched in them."

"Oh," I said as I handed her my card. I should have known Alice would have figured out the best way for us to keep track of them, even if we were wearing practically nothing.

She looked at the card, and then back at me, raising an eyebrow. "Bella Cullen?"

"I guess so," I shrugged. Alice just smirked.

"Okay, I'll be right back," she said as she set her bag at my feet and pulled Jasper with her to stand in line at the counter.

I took the time to look at all of the décor in the lobby, which, unsurprisingly was sea themed, including a larger than life replica of Botticelli's The Birth of Venus that must have been twelve feet tall and covered the entire back wall of the lobby. It's always been one of my favorite paintings, and even though it clearly wasn't the original, it was still beautiful and sort of breathtaking.

"Have you ever seen the original?" a vaguely familiar voice asked.

I turned to see Bob from the terminal standing next to me, looking at the painting too.

"No," I said, shaking my head but keeping my eyes focused on the painting.

"It hangs in the Uffizi Gallery in Florence. Molly and I go to Italy every couple of years," he said, turning toward me. He rested his hand on my forearm, and stroked my skin with his thumb. I looked down, dismayed that he would be touching me in such an intimate way. When I looked up at him, his eyes were boring into mine. "You know, we might consider bringing in 'companions' if the fit was right."

As soon as he felt me start to pull away, he released my arm. "I…I…my husband..." I stuttered.

"Oh, you do play the game so well," he said gleefully. "But, I think I might have frightened you. I assure you, both Molly and I only play, 'safe, sane, consensual.'" He patted my shoulder. "Oh, and my Molly still plays the ingénue, too. I'll bet your husband will like that. She's very convincing."

I was flabbergasted. I couldn't even comprehend how to reply.

Luckily, something caught Bob's attention across the room. "Please excuse me, dear. I have business with George." He pointed across the room. "And this is probably a conversation best held in the presence of your husband."

Bob turned away, starting to cross the room, just as Alice and Jasper retuned.

"Who was that?" Alice asked curiously.

"Umm, remember when I told you about Bob and Molly from the terminal? That was Bob."

Alice looked from me to Bob's retreating form and back. "Are you serious? He's like sixty!"

"I know." I nodded, still a little dumbfounded. "I think he just invited Edward and me to go to Italy with him and his wife if we would swing with them."

Alice's mouth fell open as she looked back and forth between Bob and me. "I want to go to Italy!" she said longingly.

"Alice!" I admonished.

"What?" she responded defensively.

I shook my head and fought the urge to roll my eyes. "Never mind, let's go."

We moved down the corridor to the line of passengers waiting for the tender boat to ferry them to shore. Alice clipped my SeaKey to the strap of my top as we waited and offered to watch my bag while I snorkeled since they were just planning on sunbathing. It sounded like a good idea. My stuff would stay safe and dry, and I'd meet them when I was done.

We shuffled along as the line moved out of the Pearl of the Caribbean and on to the tender boat, which was a large pontoon with bench seating. The boat was packed, leaving people behind us in line for the next trip.

After everyone was seated, the tender boat was untethered from the ship and began to make its way across the bay. The beautiful, clear sky and the translucent, turquoise water all around us excited me for the snorkeling. It was probably the single thing I was most excited for on this trip.

About a third of the way to the dock, a man wearing a "Swinging on a Star Staff" t-shirt stood at the front of the boat with a megaphone and began to make announcements.

"Coco Cay is a private island of the cruise line. We are the only ship tendered today, so we have been able to designate the entire island as clothing optional, with the exception of the bar and shops."

The boat erupted in cheers, which completely masked my own groaning.

"Any excursion not occurring in one of the bars or shops has also been designated as clothing optional."

The group cheered again. _Is there any chance the snorkeling will qualify as a bar or shop excursion? We have to go to a shop to get our gear, right?_

"Just like on the ship, cruise line staff is off limits."

A scattering of "boos" came from the masses behind us, quickly followed by a mass chuckle. The announcer gave an exaggerated shrug to indicate he had no control over the rule and laughed along with the others.

"Sex is only permitted in designated areas. But, we have several beautiful areas already set up, so I'm sure you won't have any problems finding a place to get frisky," the announcer said, wiggling his eyebrows.

It seemed the entire boat was snickering and giggling, even Jasper and Alice were smiling at each other as their hands playfully intertwined on his thigh. I was really starting to question whether I should just stay on the boat and return to the ship for the day.

Timed perfectly, the boat sidled up to the dock just at as the announcer said, "Don't forget, you must return to the ship no later than seven pm. If you miss the ship, you will be responsible for the cost of returning to the ship or nearest port. There are no overnight stays on the island."

We filed off the tender boat, and I agreed to go with Jasper and Alice to scout out where they'd be sunbathing so I could meet back up with them when I'd had my fill of swimming with the fish. Once they had their spot claimed and beach loungers in place, I headed for the Snorkel Shack.

* * *

"Here you go," I said as I enthusiastically pulled my SeaKey from the reel so my new friend, Paolo, could scan it for my latest Coco Loco.

It was kind of fun to pull the card out and let it retract, like magic. So I did it a couple of more times until the card snapped back, hitting me sharply. "Ouch! That hurt my—" I looked around to make sure no one was listening and stood up on the rung of the stool, and leaning over so I could whisper in Paolo's ear. "That hurt my boobie!"

I sat back on my stool with a thump and started rubbing it. Paolo just laughed and went back to drying glasses behind the bar.

"Is this seat taken?" I heard an unmistakable velvet voice ask from beside me. My stool wobbled beneath me as I turned to face him. I might have fallen if Edward hadn't reached for my arms to steady me. I wasn't expecting him to be here, and for a moment, I just stared at him. His touch on my forearms felt so different from when Bob held them the same way earlier; his warmth seeped through my skin and into my bones. A frisson spread through my entire body as his long fingers trailed to my wrist and traced my fingertips.

"Edward!" I squealed. "Paolo, Paolo!" I yelled, "Look it's my fake husband!"

Edward slid onto the stool next to me, and I sort of leaned on him, resting my forearm on his shoulder. Edward scooted his stool a little closer and wrapped his arm around my waist, helping to stabilize me.

He smelled so good. Like sun and happy and coconuts and, well I'm not sure what to call it, but, I liked it. I rubbed my hand across his chest, saying, "Edwerd, this is Paolo. Paaal-low, not Paul o. He's my new friend. We're not allowed to have sex with him because he's staff. Right, Paolo?"

"Yes ma'am," he replied with a brilliant smile before tucking his head in embarrassment. I could tell he was blushing under his dark skin.

"And this," I said, bringing my hand up to caress Edward's cheek, "…Is my fake husband. He's pretty, isn't he? He's so pretty. I wish I was as pretty as him." I was momentarily lost in his eyes. They were pretty.

"Oh no!" I released Edward and stood up again on the rail, reaching over and clutching Paolo's arm. "Oh no! That's a secret! You can't tell anyone! I'll get in trouble. I'm not a very good fake wife."

"No, ma'am. Your secret is safe with me - bartender code," he said as he winked.

I gasped. "He does that to me! I winks me…he winks at me!" I exclaimed as I pointed back and forth between them.

I wobbled a little, re-seating myself on the stool, but my fake husband caught me. He seemed to be amused.

"What about this seat?"

I turned toward the voice and smiled.

"Jasper!" I cheered, excitedly. "Oh my god! What the hell happened to your head?"

Before he could answer, I remembered that I hadn't introduced him to my new friend. "Paolo, this is my…my…umm…what air you to me?" I asked, looking at Jasper to my right. I turned back to the bartender. "I don't know what he is, he's my fake husband's cousin's huzband. Does that make him my second fake husband, once removed? Or, maybe he's my best friend's husband, well, he's kind of my best friend too, but not as bestest as his wife and he's hur husband. It's something like that." I laughed at my own hilarity.

"It's nice to meet you Jasper, and Edward," Paolo said in his beautiful island accent while shaking each of their hands.

"I'll tell you another secret, Paolo. See them ugly black socks he's wearing?" I pointed to Jasper's feet. "He only wears 'em to make my best friend earrritated, because then she'll have hot monkey sex with him."

Jasper blushed. I made him blush! Score one for me. I want to make Edward blush too.

"What 'bout you, Eddered, do you like hot monkey sex?"

"I don't know. I can't say I've ever had sex with a monkey," he said, completely serious.

"Ha ha," I said, giving him the side eye. Edward was sitting there all sexy-smirky. "Bonobos have the dirtiest monkey sex."

His eyebrow quirked, and he opened his mouth to say something, but then he shook his head slightly like he'd changed his mind.

"Ha! I gotcha there!" I pointed at him.

"But bonobos aren't monkeys," he playfully argued, leaning toward me a little bit.

"They are not," I said, excitedly. "They're apes. Grape apes. I mean great apes. I love that you know that."

He nodded and finally blushed.

"Bonobos are the dirty lil' secret of the animal kingdom," I said lowly, leaning into him a bit more.

"Is that so?"

"They're the only non-human aminals to have missionary sex," I said with a raised eyebrow.

"Oh really?"

"Yep." I nodded. "They also tongue kiss, have orgies to reduce group tension, and the males penis fence."

Edward's eyes crinkled as he broke into a full laugh. He was even more beautiful than normal.

"They sound like they'd be right at home on the ship; as a matter of fact, I had someone offer to penis fence with me on my way here."

I gasped. "No way! What did you tell him?"

"I told him my wife wouldn't let me," he said, winking at me.

"You did? That's so sweet. You gave up penis fencing just for me!" I squealed, clapping my hands together.

Jasper tapped the bar in front of me to get my attention.

"Jasper, would you give up penis fencing for your wife?" I asked, then quickly added, "Alice is my best friend, so you better say 'yes.'"

"Yes," Jasper said dryly. He didn't seem very amused.

"Uh Bella, where in the hell have you been? Alice and I have been waiting for you for hours."

"I've been here, with Paolo," I explained, simply.

"Okay. Why? I thought we were going to meet up after snorkeling."

"I didn't want you to know I chickened out on the snortaling."

Jasper chuckled. "On the what?"

"Storkeling...snortelin…skokle…you know, swimming with a tube in your mouth!" I lifted my head from Edward's shoulder and gestured an imaginary snorkel coming from my lips.

Jasper and Edward both snickered like they were twelve and I'd said something dirty.

"Oh, snorkeling," he said with a cheeky smile.

"Why did you chicken out? You were so excited," Jasper asked with concern.

"I was! But 'member on the ferry boat when they said the island was 'clothing optional.' They were all snorkeling in nothin' but flippers!"

Jasper threw his head back and laughed. I heard Edward laughing from my other side too.

"Is not funny, guys! What if a fish bit their danglies?" I asked.

"Stop Laughing! I know what you're thinking," I said, nearly falling off the stool when I stomped my foot on its rail.

"What am I thinking?" Jasper asked, with a feigned innocence.

"You're a dirty boy, so you're thinking, 'Maybe they could get a blow fish blow job!'"

Jasper shook his head, laughing. "I wasn't thinking that, but I am now!"

"Whatever," I said as I turned back toward the bar and picked up my drink.

Edward took the coconut cup from my hand. "I think you've had enough to drink, don't you?"

"Nope," I said, reaching for the drink as Edward pulled it away.

Jasper leaned on the bar, tapping on the top to get my attention again.

"Bella, I get you were uncomfortable, but why were you embarrassed?"

"Cause you think I'm a prude!"

"No, I don't."

"Uh-huh. So does Alice. Where is Alice? She didn't want to be seen with a prude?" I asked, hanging my head. I blinked back tears. I didn't want to be one of those people who got a little tipsy and started bawling.

"Sweetie," he said, rubbing my shoulder reassuringly. "She doesn't think that. She's waiting for you where we agreed to meet. She's been worried about you. Where were you?"

"She is? Why?"

"Bella, you turned your gear in like five hours ago!"

"Five hours? No way!"

"Way.

"That's why I went and got Edward, so he could help me look for you."

"I'm sorry. I just stopped in for a drink because...you know what's great about this bar?"

"I'm guessing that frilly drink right there," Jasper said, pointing at the Coco Loco in front of Edward.

"Oh they are really good! But know what else?"

"Hmm?"

"Clothing is not optional. Right, Paolo? You have to wear clothes to be here," I said, nodding emphatically. "That's why it's just me and my new friend, Paolo, here. Right, Paolo?"

Paolo nodded.

"But now you're here, and so is my fake husband, Edward," I said excitedly, turning a bit too fast and almost slipping off the stool. "Go get Ali Cat, it'll be a party!"

"I think you've already partied enough for all of us. She should go back to the ship," Jasper said, standing up. "We can pick up Alice and the things on our way."

"No! I don't want to go back to the ship. Alice wanted to lie in the sun all day, and it's still day! Plus, she'll be mad at me!"

Edward sighed. "How about this, I'll take you back to the ship, and Jasper and Alice can stay and enjoy what's left of the day on the island?"

"Yes!" I said, a bit louder than I intended. "You're so smart; that's why I fake married you."

"I don't know," Japer started to argue.

"Pleassseeeeeeee," I added, using the Puss in Boots face my little kindergartners had down to an art.

Edward laughed and patted Jasper on the shoulder. "How could you resist that?" he asked with a chuckle.

"I guess I can't."

I spun around on the stool to face Jasper. "Thank you so much." I threw my arms around his neck. "Make sure Alice still has fun today, okay? And tell her not to be mad at me. And tell her I love you. From me. Not you. You can tell her from you if you want, just from me too, cause I love her. And you. I love you, too."

Jasper laughed as he returned my hug.

"Okay, I'll see you guys on the ship later," he said as he made his way out of the Tiki Hut.

It was just me, Edward, and Paolo then. I took a couple of moments to look at my pretty, fake husband. I could look at him all day. I hoped my real husband was as pretty as him.

"Do you want a secret too?" I asked him, fluttering my eyelashes.

His lips turned into a smile. "Sure."

I leaned my head on his shoulder and looked up at him, whispering, "I'm a tiny, little bit tipsy." I brought my hand up to show him how drunk I thought I was with my thumb and index finger.

He looked down into my eyes. I wished he'd kiss me. He took my fingers and separated them as far as they would go. "I think it's a little more than that."

I nodded, but I had to close my eyes for a minute when it made me feel dizzy.

"What's in these?" Edward asked.

"Dark rum, coconut rum, fruit juice, coconut cream," Paolo replied in his lovely island accent.

"How much rum?" I heard Edward ask. My eyes were still closed, and I could go to sleep listening to their voices going back and forth.

"Half a jigger of each."

"How many has she had?"

My eyes shot open, and I raised my hand like I was in grade school. "I know this one!" I exclaimed, "I've been keeping track," I announced proudly.

Edward looked at me, his brow furrowed. "How have you been keeping track?"

"I kept all my straws! I hear that's what you're supposed to do. Keep all your straws, so you know when to say 'when.'"

Just one side of Edward's face lifted in a doubting smile. "Where are they?"

I looked at him, confused, and followed his line of sight to the straw-less bar. "Oh, I kept 'em in my 'old lady pocket,'" I explained as I started to fish them out of my swimsuit top. For some reason, I had been storing them in both cups of the top.

"Five? Is that all of them?"

I leaned into him, and jutted my boobs out. "Do you want to check?" I asked with a raspiness that I hoped was sexy.

He didn't seem to get it, because he didn't take the invitation to look and he didn't look turned on either. He looked into my eyes, but it seemed to be an examination rather than the lustful gaze I wanted.

Edward turned to my new friend Paolo and pointed to the Coco Loco on the bar. "Six?"

Paolo nodded.

"Why would you serve her so much?" he asked angrily. "Look how small she is. She can't weigh more than a hundred pounds!"

"Yes I can. I weigh a hundred and eight pounds!" I said, slapping my hand over my mouth. I wasn't supposed to tell that. A lady never tells.

Edward's glare shifted to me for a moment before he turned back to Paolo.

"Sir, it is the cruise line's policy not to cut anyone off unless they become belligerent or disruptive."

My head was feeling heavy, so I rested it back on Edward's shoulder. I was just closing my eyes to rest them for a minute when Edward's voice startled me. "Bella,"

"What?" I asked irritated without opening my eyes.

Edward took my chin in his hand, raising it and demanding that I open my eyes.

"Fine," I said, opening them really wide and staring at him.

"Did you eat today?"

"Yes," I nodded. I pointed to my still untouched, sixth Coco Loco. "I had peeneapple and cherrries." I laughed when I heard myself. "Did you hear that, Edward? I said peen-apples, like peen," I explained pointing at his crotch. "And cherries, but…" I looked into his eyes and whispered, "I don't have my cherry anymore."

"Are you mad at me because I didn't save my cherry?" I asked him and winked. I hoped that wink had the same affect on him that his had on me. I leapt toward the bar and grabbed the little garnish sword from my drink and brought it up to our faces. "Oh look, I have another cherry! You want it?" I asked wiggling my eyebrows seductively.

Edward threw his head back in laughter, and I took the opportunity to pop my cherry in his mouth.

"Whoa, careful there, don't stab me with your little sword," he chuckled as he chewed the fruit.

I raised an eyebrow, tucking my chin in so I could look up at him through my lashes. "Why, is that your job…stabbing me with your little sword?" I asked breathlessly as I attempted to tap his pretty nose with tip of my finger.

I lost my balance on the stool and started to fall forward, but Edward's arms quickly tightened around my middle, pulling me completely upright against his body. I threw both my arms around his neck and held on as tight as I could, reveling in the feeling of my body pressed to his.

"Okay Little Lush, I think it's time to get you back to the boat," he said quietly as he gently set my feet back on the floor.

"I'm not a lush," I said with my brows furrowed. "I'm just a teeny bit tipsy."

"Uh-huh," he absently agreed.

I didn't believe him though. He didn't believe I was just tipsy. He thought I was drunk as a skunk. "It's true, you can ask Paolo," I said, pointing to my new friend.

When I pointed at him, my hand bumped my forgotten refill and it spilled all over the bar. "Oh no! Paolo, I'm so sorry!"

"It's okay, ma'am. It's no problem," he said graciously as he began to mop the spilled booze with a bar cloth.

"Is that disruptive enough for you?" Edward nearly spit out.

I slapped Edward's shoulder. "Hey, be nice to Paolo, he's my new friend!" I said before I slipped my hand back around him and nuzzled into the crook of his neck.

"Okay, Bella, why don't you let go so we can walk back to the ship," he said, softly stroking my arms that were stretched out across his chest.

I didn't want to let go of him. "You know what you should call me? You should call me Belly-bean. Do you remember when you used to call me that?"

"Yeah, you used to hate that," he chuckled, still stroking my arms.

I shook my head against his shoulder. "I only pretended to not like it. I secretly loved it because you were the only one who called me that."

"Really?"

I looked up at him and nodded, lost for a moment in the sensation of his fingers gliding along my arms. "Do you secretly love it when I call you Eddie-spaghetti?" I asked hopefully.

Edward's hands stilled as he threw his head back and laughed boisterously. "No, not at all."

We stood in the middle of the bar, swaying in our embrace, and for the first time, the silence was not awkward.

"You're not going to let go, are you?" he asked, rubbing my back.

I shook my head against his shoulder again, taking another deep pull of his scent.

"Then I'm going to carry you," he said as he swept his arm under my knees, lifting me into his arms.

My eyes shot open as Edward headed for the exit and toward the path to the tender dock. I squeezed him tighter, noticing his sunglasses hung on the back of his collar. I pulled them out and placed them on his face with a huge smile.

"Thank you," he said, and even tipsy, I was sure there was a wink behind those shades.

I let my finger trail down his jaw. "It's too bad you don't have a hat. And my friends aren't here to see this."

"Huh?" Edward said, without a trace of exertion in his voice.

"I could be Debra Winger!"

"Okaaay," Edward drew out. "And I need a hat for that?"

"Of course you do!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **AN:** Thank you all for reading! So what do you think? Is Bella just a tipsy flirt or is she shit-faced? I have three settings; sober, tipsy and passed out. There is no in between; so if I'm not sober, and I'm not passed out, clearly, I'm just tipsy. What are you like drunk/tipsy?
> 
> And I have a new rec for you too! I've seen Cooking for Dummies by Nikita2009 (or on twitter, she's GrannyPantsSwan ) on IFP, TLS, and even TFT. GrannyPantsSwan is a kick to tweet with and when I saw someone begging for more of her Chefward, I couldn't resist anymore.
> 
> I was immediately hooked. Edward and Bella hit it off wrong from the moment they see each other. Add in Bella's poor review of Edward's restaurant and tangled up personal histories and you get Edward's account (who is also Bella's high school bestie) saying, "Are you guys going to try and fuck right here in the middle of the floor? Should we leave a box of condoms and go see a movie whilst you defile the kitchen with this ridiculous sexual tension?" Somehow, I don't quite believe Bella when she replies, "Yeah, not gonna happen." Go read it and leaver her some love. - fanfiction.net/s/7932246/1/Cooking_for_Dummies

**Author's Note:**

> **Thank you so much my Super Betamax maxandmo and to obsmama, carenl, Mtneer05, mommy2kh for pre-reading. Every one of them have their mark on this story and has saved you from reading some atrocity. And mostly for putting up with me.**
> 
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> 
> **Thank YOU for checking out my new story.**
> 
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> 
> **What did you think of this first chapter? I'd love a review. Pretty please?**


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